THAT MOVIE WAS SO BAD IT WAS GOOD....

you can DRAG ME TO HELL any day of the week if it's gonna be this much fun!

2009-05-26T20:07:00.003-07:00

So DRAG ME TO HELL was a really wild ride. Is it an amazing film? True, it does not reach the dramatic heights of say, this years Star Trek. However, in its defense it doesn’t shoot for the stars. It doesn’t even go for the moon. It goes for the jugular and never let’s go. Sam Raimi, who’s made a living off of spider man films, got his start in low rent horror with the Evil Dead franchise. If you have experienced those films, you won’t need to read this review, because you’re already in line to see it. If you haven’t, you’re a lesser person for it. He returns to his roots here, and proves he still knows how to control audience’s emotions when in regards to fear and laughs.

A loans officer at a bank is vying for an assistant manager position and in order to get it must make the “hard decisions.” In comes a creepy and deliciously over the top Gypsy. Yes, as in the hunchback of Notre dame, the wolf man, or, um, Stephen kings “thinner.” the poor gypsy named Mrs. Ganush is pretty upset about the fact that she can’t stay in her house anymore, and obviously our pool little loans officer must pay…With her soul. That is literally all the set up or plot that there is. And frankly that takes up a lot more time that could have been spent on the horrors our heroin must endure for three days before, as is legend, she will be dragged to hell, by the curse the gypsy puts on her.
This movie is concerned with two simple things. to make you jump out of your seat, and to make you laugh. There is not one moment wasted on anything other than one of those things. An early parking lot brawl starts off creepy, goes to full blown scary, then suddenly turns into a loony tunes cartoon (wait for the staple to the eye!!) And that one scene properly sets up the entire film. Every sequence starts with suspense, goes for the cheap shock, and then delves into sick dark humor.
No lie, there is a scene involving haunted pots and pans that I jumped out of my seat at, then could not stop laughing at. It was so much fun. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, the film goes for broke, throwing everything at you including the kitchen sink. Well, they leave that one item out, but a handkerchief has never been so menacing. Oh, and did I tell you there was a talking goat? There is. And a séance scene that just keeps topping itself with more ludicrous poltergeist shenanigans (was that possessed man dancing in mid air?) OH, and how could I forget the death by anvil! That’s right, an anvil, tied to a rope, tied to a pulley, with anvil looming overhead, and a pair of ice skates present to save the day. It’s like a live action road runner cartoon, with a lot more goo.

The film is only pg-13 and deserves the rating. However, there is a LOT of phlegm, snot, ooz, bugs, and vomit thrown around. I was more grossed out than I was during some other R rated gore moments. The difference here is it’s all in fun. The move doesn’t dwell on depravity; it delights in grossing us out, or making us jump. It makes scary movies fun again. I can not recommend this thing enough. It’s the best thing to see with a large group of people, and hear everyone squeal and squirm at every turn. And it’s also reassuring to hear them laughing just like you after the movie delivers yet another effective “gotcha” moment. If I had any complaints I’d say it’s not long enough. I could have put up with another 30 minutes of this sucker. Also, Alison Lohman looks and sounds as though she’s 12. I know she’s actually in her 20’s, but a loan officer? I feel she should be asking me to drive her to the prom. The Mac guy is also in it as her caring boyfriend. But it’s Allison’s show, and she’s in almost every scene taking one hell of a beating. It’s the kind of movie you walk out and argue with your friends about which scene was better. For me it was the fate of the kitten sequence. I wont spoil it, but lets just say that a film that off’s a 7 year old before the opening titles is obviously not playing by the rules. And Raimi has so much fun breaking them all. I had a blast with this film, and will be seeing it again.

Terminator Salvation

2009-05-22T10:21:00.000-07:00

Terminator Salvation is a really good summer action flick. It's really short on character development, but does have just enough of a plot strand to string one excellent action sequence along with another. It’s better than part 3 by a large margin, and has way more action than part two, but the things holding it back are pretty big flaws
First of all is the acting. Christian Bale really sucks badly here. This surprises me as he’s really one of the most consistently good actors around these days. Sure his roles are all the same, kind of proving he has no range, but who cares when he’s nailed the “dark brooding” guy down pat. Here however there are two volumes, screaming at someone, or shooting at someone. I seriously don’t think there is any part of this where he just talks. It’s annoying, and at one point during the end, laughable as all you than think about is his now infamous tirade on set. Moon Bloodgood (best name ever) and Sam Worthington (new “it” kid in Hollywood who’s also in AVATAR this Christmas and the clash of the titans remake next summer) are both great and actually have the most character development out of anyone else. But that brings me to another issue.

Sam Worthington plays a half human, half robot. OK, well the trailer tells us this, but the movie plays it like a mystery for the first hour. So for one hour literally half the running time is devoted to something we already know, thereby making it really boring. Also, for some reason, HE is the main character in this film, even though it SHOULD be john Conner, aka Christian bale. As hard as the actors try to bring some life to the very little time devoted to their characters, they are stopped at every turn by the god awful script. From the same team that brought you Terminator 3, as well as CATWOMAN, they have definitely stepped up their game a bit, but man these people need to stop getting work in Hollywood. For example, moon and Sam meet each other in the middle of the desert. They have an uneasy relationship until the night fall and she cuddles up to him saying “don’t get any ideas, I’m just using you for the body heat.” He responds out of no where with “you know….I’m not a good person.” She responds with “yes you are, you just don’t know it yet.” Wait….WTF!?!?!?!? I started laughing out loud. Unfortunately the film is riddled with shockingly bad lines like this all throughout, making the dramatic scenes teeter dangerously close to sci-fi channel quality. Don’t even get me started on the “so that’s what death tastes like” bit after someone kisses a cancer patient. Lol
However the one saving grace is the action, of which there is plenty. McG, aka the worst named director in Hollywood, knows how to make things look really awesome. He is after all the director of the Charlie’s angel’s movies. Here he uses the camera, and sound expertly to heighten the tension in the action sequences, which are EPIC in scale. Also thankfully, there is an action sequence ever other second, so you’re always being distracted from the crappy dialogue by stuff being blown up REAL good. And yes, Arnold himself shows up towards the end via really good CGI for a hard hitting cameo. So as far as summer action movies go, this is heads and shoulders above the dismal and pathetic WOLVERINE, but no where near the level of Star Trek, which seems to be the film to beat this year.
One last note, there is a LOT of footage in the trailers that is NOT in the film, which might actually help cover up some of the plot holes. For example, in the trailer there is a shot a Christian Bale walking chest deep in water, with a gun, and a huge machine rises from the water behind him. They actually make a big deal of it in the trailer. The film opens with him chest deep in water, but not machine, or action scene at all. A curious thing, as usually the drama is the first to go, but action usually always stays. All well, I suppose the unrated directors cut special sky net edition blu ray will have all the good stuff added back in.

The Terminator Films thus far...

2009-05-20T17:03:00.000-07:00

THE TERMINATOR
So the first terminator film really isn’t all that and a bag of chips. It’s good, no doubt about that. But it also comes of as VERY dated and harmless. Everyone now knows the story. A woman is suddenly attacked by a huge bulking man (aaaanuuuld!) only to discover it’s a robot sent from the future to kill her, so that way her unborn child won’t be able to grow up and lead the resistance against said robots. All fine by me, I saw the back to the future movies; I get the whole paradox time travel thing. However, one huge pet peeve I have with this plot is how she gets pregnant. Her “future” son john Conner sends back his right hand man to not only protect her from Arnold, I mean the killing robot, but ALSO to impregnate her with….himself. Wait, so THAT means that events in the past are inherently reality only because someone from the future changes it. So if john Connor never sends his bff back in time, he’d never be born. Um, kinda sketchy, but I’ll take it.
Something else you’ll notice this time around is the special effects, or lack thereof. There really isn’t all that much action. And you only see the “endoskeleton” once, and it looks REALLY stop-motion 80’s cheesy. Not bad per say, in the same way when atrayu is running away from the nothing in the never-ending story, it doesn’t look BAD, just that nostalgic 80’s style cheesy. To be frank, I’m surprised the film spawned a sequel at all. Once again it’s not bad, just mediocre, and doesn’t really scream out for there to be a sequel at all.

TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY
Holy crap on a stick, this movie rocks. It’s actually pretty amazing how this film is just under two decades old (which actually dates me, cause I remember this thing coming out while I was in elementary school, and my parents not letting me go cause it was rated R) Turns out James Cameron had made the first Terminator film as his own person film school, a crash course in what to do and what not to do in filmmaking. Now, with all that first hand knowledge under his belt, he created an EPIC action entertainment the likes of which had never been seen before.

Throwing out a lot of the sci-fi time warp mumbo jumbo, here he wisely focus’ in on the action and special effects. CGI was used for the first time convincingly, and not sparingly, to create images and action that couldn’t even be planned a mere two years before. Things like a man driving a motorcycle off a building and jumping from it onto a helicopter flying by, then taking over the helicopter and chasing a truck down a highway, sending things blowing up left and right. It’s spectacle on the grandest scale. It’s the Ben hur battleship sequence of it’s time. However that wasn’t even the finally. Also, what he mastered is his ability to create interesting characters. Sarah Conner was a whinny scream queen the first time around. Here he gives her a LOT of angst and motivation, and her pre teen son John actually has a lot to deal with as well. It’s this seriously dysfunctional family dynamic that propels the film from one action set piece to another. Also, within the action sequences themselves, more story is revealed. A scene later on has the mother son duo accompanied by the Terminator sent back to protect the boy breaking into sky net with the actual creator of the artificial intelligence that will later on down the road decimate the world. As doors are blown away and people go flying, the sky net guy is revealing important plot points as he discovers them.
A rip Roaring action film that stands the test of time thanks to well drawn characters and state of the art specials effects and stunts, James Cameron has yet to live this one down, even Titanic, a bigger film in every way to this one, couldn’t match the action this one has.

TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES
Wow, ok. This one is a VERY mixed bag. It’s almost as if there are two very separate films in here fighting for power. On one hand you have a very good continuation of the story from part 2. True, it does get a little bogged down with the hows and why’s of time travel and what it can do, but is smart enough to avoid any huge plot holes. You also have all the characters you want to see back in action. The other film, and one the one I didn’t like at all, was the childish goofy humor comedy shtick that kept creeping up throughout. John Conner at one point finds himself locked in a kennel at the dog pound, only for his high school sweet heart to randomly show up and let him out. Wait, hu? They try and play up the whole “destiny” angle with the girls dad being the general in charge and her fiancé also playing into the action, but it’s all portrayed as a lame Dawson’s creek style melodrama. Also, much like how Freddy Krueger started off as scary, but over the course of several films became a one line spewing joke, the terminator here does nothing but wise crack. For an android with no emotions, he sure has a sense of humor. No longer is Arnold intimidating or scary, he’s just funny. Sure some of the jokes are a bit funny, but why on earth would you have such immature banter in an R rated adult action film? I can see why that humor has a place in other pg-13 rated summer popcorn films, but this movie is a hard R, what adult will laugh at this stuff? Also the “terminatrix” was just a gawd awful idea from top to bottom. Once again jokes are the main course as she takes over the body of a Victoria secrets model and steals a car form a cougar (demi moore, not the actual animal). Really? If you want the sex appeal factor, give john Conner and his new girlfriend a sex scene. That at least would be conceivable, even if still inappropriate. The villain here is just lame and embarrassing.
The film comes back to life at the very end however, with an amazingly bleak ending. Seriously, the last shot of the film is the earth, from space, and nuclear bombs going off all over the surface. It also firmly sets up john Conners role in the resistance quite well. It’s as if the people making it suddenly god a brain. Unfortunately they got it just long enough to save the last 15 minutes. So other than those precious few moments and a handful of other well staged but empty action scenes, and you have a very forgettable action flick that wouldn’t even be remembered today had it not be sandwiched into a very successful and famous franchise.

Donkey Punch

2009-05-19T17:07:00.000-07:00

Three young attractive British girls on vacation in Spain go bar hopping, with not a care in the world until…..exactly how at least 7 other horror movies start right? The recent “touristas” had almost an identical set up. However where that film floundered, and this film succeeds, is all in the delivery.
The locations are absolulutly stunning. The sexy women in their bikini’s, the orange sun drowning out every other color. The atmospheric music, more like tonal humming in the background than actual instruments. It lulls you into a very comfortable place, so when three strapping young men show up to show our three leading ladies a good time, your just as exited about taking a trip on their yacht as they are. Things go from promising to titillating as they partake in an assortment of drugs, go for a cooling dip, jam to some music and then decide to “take things down stairs.” Now the name of the film is Donkey Punch, which will illicit a knowing smirk to those in the know, and be randomly meaningless to those that are lost. Have no fear, it is well explained in the film, and then actually shown in a very steamy group scene. And then what is a very erotic and humorous scene turns ugly on a dime. Let’s just say the actual “act” of the donkey punch doesn’t exactly go off without a hitch.

What proceeds is an astonishing level of tension and thrills that never let up. Placing the action on a small yacht was a perfect move. Unlike most slashers where the nimble young girls have all sorts of places to run and hide, there is none of that here. Every single scene is a full on confrontation. It’s not so much suspense as it is mounting violence between characters. These kids are put in a very serious position, and it’s quite fascinating to see how they react. The wilting flower of a girl is the last person you’d expect to pick up a boat propeller and run down one of her boat mates. Or the good guy who wants to call the police is suddenly one of the first to be convinced a shotgun is the only way to settle certain matters. The level of tension is so expertly sustained, you won’t realize how tightly wound you are till it’s over, and you find yourself breathing easier.

The direction is hypnotic. There are several scenes that start off as typical horror clichés, then suddenly the swaying music kicks in, as does the slow motion and the sequence turns into an eerie but beautiful montage. With every confrontation handled in a different artistic way, it keeps things very fresh. The movie is an hour and 40 minutes, all but 10 of those contained within the boat. Never do you feel repetition, or that you’ve seen in before, or that they are just trying to stretch out the running time. If there is only one complaint, it’s that the final, while realistic and keeping with the tone of the rest of the movie, is a bit on the underwhelming side. There isn’t really a huge explosion, or totally awesome “gotcha” bravura death scene. It just stops. This however isn’t distracting enough to sink the film. Also, and this is no fault of the filmmakers, but the British cast have accents that are SO thick that at one point I felt like I missed a major plot point, and had to rewind and watch it again with the subtitles on.
More of a psychological thriller than a horror film, Donkey Punch comes HIGHLY recommended. It’s beautiful cinematography, amazing locations, and smart characters lend a dignity and maturity to a slasher setting that usually doesn’t get such great treatment. Full of sex and violence, it’s also not for the faint of heart (for the first time the “unrated” label on the front actually MEANS it’s worse than an R rating).

Angels, Demons, and Tom Hanks in a Speedo

2009-05-15T00:38:00.000-07:00

Angels and Demons is a really good thriller. It’s got an amazing setting with all of Vatican City to run around in. It has a “race against time” plot narrowing the events down to one 4 hour period pseudo “24” style, giving it a really fast pace which is something it’s predecessor sorely lacked. What it does not have unfortunately, is an interesting lead.
The pope dies, and the four obvious runner ups are all immediately kidnapped. The villain states that one will die every hour, on the hour, starting at 7 pm, at which point a bomb will go off in st. Pete’s square, which just so happens to be where the entire world has shown up to see who the Vatican appoints the next heir to the throne. The culprits seem to be members of the illuminate, whose’ checkered history with the Catholic Church is gone over in painstaking detail in the film. It’s up to Tom hanks to solve everything of course, with the help of the Vatican itself. I guess it’s nice to know the church doesn’t hold a grudge since that whole “Jesus had a kid, and now his direct descendents deserve the real power” shenanigans that went down last time. Obviously things do not go really well, and that’s where things get good. The death sequences are each more elaborate and graphic, reminding me of the Dario Argento thriller or “Gallo” style Italian films from the 70’s and 80’s (go rent Susperia or Deep Red or The Bird with the Crystal Plumage right now, those three back to back will blow your mind).
The problem is our main character. Hanks really kind of wanders around from place to place with no real sense of urgency, and he’s not a leader. He’s a follower. This I’m sure is how it would be in real life, but in cinema, we want our lead actors to take charge of the situation. It would be no fun watching Indiana Jones follow Short Round through the jungle for two hours. It’s not fun watching Hanks fumble from one point to another, at one point aided by a tour guide squawking at a bunch of tourists. Why not make the tour guide the lead of the film? That being said, the elaborate death sequences, coupled with the stunning locations and the frequent history lessons makes up for the uninteresting lead. I found myself very involved in the plot despite the lack of a relatable character, which is a testament to how much fun the story and cinematography is. Mention must also go to the music, which is like that creepy “Omen” theme only pumped up to borderline techno pitch, which fits nicely with the religious imagery and brutal mayhem.
In the end it was a very handsomely mounted film with tons of interesting history lessons fit into a quick and efficient thriller plot. The lead isn’t all that interesting, which means this will probably be the end of the Robert Langdon adventures, on film anyway. It’s also MUCH more exiting than The Da Vinci Code, which was probably one of the most controversially boring movies ever. It’s slightly more intelligent summer thriller fair than usual, and in a summer filled with Saturday morning cartoon remakes, that can’t be a bad thing. Oh, and Tom Hanks in a Speedo is a really bad idea. Who in god’s name (pun intended) got that idea? It made me wish for his mullet from the first one. I’d take Hanks in a mullet any day over that Speedo.

best of 08'

2009-05-14T09:39:00.001-07:00

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMINE BUTTON
The more I think about it, the more I don’t know if I enjoyed the story half as much as I enjoyed David Flinchers direction and the cinematography and the ambient jazz soundtrack and the sweaty gothic southern charm this movie has going for it. Everyone gives great performances, though truthfully nothing Oscar worthy or groundbreaking. It’s forest Gump only intelligent. That for better or worse, sums it up entirely

MILK
Man oh man is this a heart wrenching film. Sean Penn is not my favorite person in the world. In fact, when he was driving around in a boat trying to get some good P.R. er..I mean save the hurricane Katrina victims, I couldn’t’ help but roll my eyes. But after about 3 minutes you forget the actor and see nothing but the man, Harvey Milk, in a VERY moving and insightful biography of one of America’s heroes.

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIR
My favorite movie of the year. It is the story of a kid in India who gets on their version of who wants to be a millionaire. Of course he gets to the second to the last question and the police detain him, and torture him, and try to get to the bottom of how he cheated. But he didn’t’ cheat. He knew every answer, not from school, but from experiences in life. Mostly through flashback, it tells the story of a kid and his love for another girl and how everything plays out is both amazing, complex, and intense. It’s from the guy who made trainspotting and 28 days later, but it’s easily got the most heartwarming, uplifting endings to any movie I’ve ever seen. You owe it to yourself to see this movie.

LET THE RIGHT ONE IN
Twilight what? This is the best vampire movie I’ve ever seen. It’s also a very romantic movie, as well as a coming of age story also. So if you mix Bram Stocker with “kids” or “Bully” you have an idea of whets going on here. It follows all the cliché’s of the genre, but drops it in the middle of a realistic modern day drama, that would’ve been interesting enough on its own. It’s tragic, melancholy, and surprisingly funny. I can’t wait to see it again to absorb all the little details I missed.

THE DARK KNIGHT
I’m not gonne be popular with this statement, but I’m officially sick of the dark knight. It’s like a nickleback song, or TITANIC before it. Too much of a good this is still too much. It’ll get nominated for a crapload of awards, and everyone will be pissed that it didn’t’ win every single one. And then, in about 8 months, people will start moving on to other things, like wolverine and watchmen. It’s not that the dark knight isn’t good. It deserves every accolade it gets, and I am one of it’s legions of fans. But it’s over kill at this point.

ROLE MODELS
The funniest movie I’ve seen all year. It’s kinda low key under the radar promotion didn’t help, but I laughed till I cried, then laughed some more. And then I peed myself.

WALL – E
A smart sci-fi film with some very insightful observations about humans and society. Oh, and it’s a Disney cartoon as well. Go figure. It’s amazing. And how can you not adore that little guy calling out for “eee…vaaa!”

Watchmen review

2009-05-14T09:38:00.000-07:00

So here is the deal. I paid 9 bucks to see a movie. NOT to read a comic book. I’ve never read the comic this is based on, and I shouldn’t have to. Simple as that. Also, it’s not a graphic novel; it’s a fracking comic book. Graphic novel “sounds” better in the advertising, as if people will take it more seriously than if you call it a comic book, kinda like how everyone calls Silence of the Lams a “psychological thriller” even though it’s straight up HORROR!!! Sorry, tangent there. ANYWAY, so let this put things in perspective. I never read From Hell but LOVED it. I never read 300 but loved it as well. I never read Lord of the Rings and those three films are in my all time favorite LIST!!!! My point being that even though a film may be based on pre existing material, it MUST stand on it’s own as a film, and this is Watchmen’s fatal flaw, one that it can not, no matter how much more running time added, no matter how faithful to it’s source material, it can not over come.
The film opens with a murder of a masked avenger, the comedian. We are painfully slowly introduced to his old gang, one by one, and flashbacks clue us in on how he was kind of a jerk, but also a good guy at heart (cept for that rape scene, but we’ll get to that) So right off the bat we have problems. Here’s a HUGE pet peeve I have with recent comic book films. You can go two ways. You can go the Dick Tracy/Sin City rout where you stick with the source material, making it VERY over the top and a literal translation. OR, you can set it in a heightened reality, where the laws of physics apply, where they bleed. An example of this would be any of the x-men or new batman movies. Wolverine isn’t wearing tight yellow and blue spandex like he was in the comic, but he would look silly. And The Dark Knight took it one step further, making it closer to a crime drama than a superhero movie at all. Watchmen can’t decide what it is. There are really goofy slapstick moments, like with characters throwing a punch and the victim goes FLYING down the street, or when the Silk Specter flips out of a flying hovercraft and lands in a super cheesy but undeniably cool pose. But then these fantastical elements sit next to others, like a very ugly and rough rape scene. What was the point of that rape anyway? It has a payoff at the end with a daughter and mother, but why was that subplot in there? Maybe in comic form it helped with the character arc. But here it LITTERALLY had no place. Was I supposed to Sympathies with the Comedian for being a Dick and raping people, or was I supposed to hate him. I’m all for gray area, and flawed characters, but I’m sorry that rape had no place. It stopped the movie cold.
The movie takes its SWEET time, not helped by the fact that everything is in slow motion, and I mean EVERYTHING!!! People get the mail in super slow mo!!! I’m not making it up!!! But anyway, all these characters are introduced, but are they REAL superheroes? None of them seem to have any legit super powers, except for Dr. Manhattan, who’s kind of like a god, but not GOD himself. And the last act of the film has a lot to deal with someone setting a horrible disaster up and making it look like he did it, to frame him. Here’s the best part, his character can see his own future, so he already knows it, and comes to terms with it, and accepts it. Sooo…….um, where’s the drama in that? No lie, there’s a scene where he has a conversation with his lover, but since he can see the future he literally TELLS her what she’s going to say and then responds to it. It was probably the most laugh out loud bad moment this year. Right next to Mark Walberg talking to a plant in The Happening. And then it ends on a really sappy high note, with a huge innuendo to a sequel, even though everyone I’d spoken to say the book ended bleak and final. Go figure.
SO I’m not REALLY sure what the Plot per say is. It just kind of starts, and then 3 hours later stops. The acting was all really intense, and there were some cool moments, but they weren’t earned. They were empty. Zack Snyder dropped the ball. He forgot that he was making a movie, and instead made a lazy, incoherent mess. He made something so inaccessible to the average filmgoer, it’s a shame. I feel there’s a really good message, in fact several, all of them interesting and thought provoking one’s. All of them I’m sure coming across much better on the printed page than spoken here, willy nilly as characters jump from Antarctica to Egypt in every other scene for NO logical reason. A sloppy mess, that may get better with a directors cut explaining everything a bit more. But even then, why have a bunch of pseudo super heroes standing around for 3+ hours explaining whets going on. If you can’t just show it, why bother.

Saturday the 14'th, wait, thats not right...

2009-05-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

So here is where I stand as far as remakes go. I kinda liked the original texas chainsaw massacre, but didn’t grow up with it, so the remake was a big improvement for me. It got that the horror should be real and uncomfortable and gross, not just literally, but in every way. I thought the Hitcher was a great little thriller from the 80’s no one had seen before. I thought the remake was almost shot for shot which came off as lazy and lame, but it was still a shot for shot remake of a pretty decent little 80’s thriller, so I liked it. I thought the Amityville horror was a VERY dated but effective haunted house movie. I thought the remake was GOD AWFULE!!!!! It’s interesting to note that all of these films are made from the same studio. Platinum dunes. Headed up by “my name is Michael bay and I made bad boys one and two and Armageddon and Pearl Harbor and the rock and the island and transformers and therefore am richer than you ever will be” Michael bay. In short it’s been pretty hit or miss. Well, count this as a tepid hit.
The first 20 minutes of the movie are very, very bad ass. There is a LOT of really funny jokes, and a LOT of really tense, atmospheric scares, and finally some short but rough gore. Then, literally 20 minutes in, the titles finally come up and the movie proper starts. What follows is a surprisingly ho hum plot thread about some kids going out to get drunk, and another kid going out to find his missing sister (from the pre title killing spree) . Thankfully, and uncharacteristically the characters are all pretty funny and appealing in a lame story. My Bloody Valentine (which I preferred in pretty much every way) had the opposite problem. ANYWAY, Jason kills and people die. Yadayadayada.
The one thing you are either going to love or hate is that this is not a bleak, realistic, killing spree kind of movie. This movie is a stoner comedy with horror. Its pineapple express with scream thrown in for good measure. It’s not all that gory, but it never really tries to be. There IS a lot of pot in the movie. And a lot of boobies. However nothing in this movie comes close to the sheer brilliance of the “truck stop “I’m not a slut” sequence from Bloody Valentine. So in short, you WILL laugh, and you MIGHT be scared. Either way it IS very entertaining, and I think the unrated (reportedly 17 minutes were cut out!!!) DVD will pack a MUCH better punch. I was not disappointed. But there is still a LOT of room for improvement. I guess there’s always the sequel…..

Trekkin where no film has gone before!

2009-05-14T09:25:00.000-07:00

Star Trek starts with a bang and never lets up for one second of its 2 hour running time. This is easily the best Trek Film, and I’d say right now is far superior to any of the star Wars prequels and is equal to Empire Strikes Back. J.J. Abrams is the new Steven Spielberg, and he makes it clear with this movie, a perfect fit for his sensibilities, that he knows how to make a big, fun summer film.
The first thing you’ll notice is the special effects. It’s astonishing really, how many times have we seen a spaceship moving through space? I’d bet a TON. They always look very cool in their own way, but also very CGI. The opening shot of this film will have you squinting, trying to take every detail in. The action scene that acts as the curtain raiser is also amazing for how well it incorporates really emotional dramatic stuff in with the action. So instead of a James bond style action scene where the plot and characters stop to fight on a rooftop while things blow up, here we have an action scene that propels the plot forward, and at the same time makes us care about the people we’re watching.
The fact that this movie is only two hours long and still managed to introduce at least 5 main characters and have two storylines going on simultaneously is a tribute to the writers, who all came with J.J. Abrams from ALIAS. That is actually also one of the few, and MINOR qualms I had with the film. There is no wasted scene. No unneeded line of dialogue. Every second of those two hours is crammed with information, and at times the very thick plot can get kind of jumbled. There are a few dialogue expositional scenes that fly by so fast you kind of have to give up and go with it. That being said, it also lends a breathless pace to the proceedings. You will NEVER be bored or looking at your watch.
The cast is simply put, perfect. Chris Pine is such an egomaniac jock ass that you somehow still like him, and he’s supported by such lovable characters infused with humor and endearing quirks. That’s another thing; the humor took me by surprise. I’d say I laughed just as hard in this movie as I did in any Jud Apatow movie. The jokes however, were never distracting, and the threat of the villain (an unrecognizable Eric Bana) was never diminished by it.
Also, if your not a trekkie, no fear. There are undoubtedly TONS of references and inside jokes for the die hard fans, but every character and plot and history lesson you need to know is all laid out and explained within this one film, making it REALLY easy to follow along if you’ve never seen a Star Trek Film.

A final note must be made of the cinematography, which is stunning. Everything from the reveal of the starship enterprise, to the planet Vulcan, the shots are put together like a painting. Abrams uses lens flares as a part of his visual storytelling, with blue and green or orange and red streaks streaming across the screen almost constantly throughout the whole film. Talking with people afterward, I found some people thought it was distracting, so take that for what it’s worth, but I thought it was magnificent to look at.
So this was basically a home run. An engaging and complex plot, lovable characters, and easily some of the best visuals ever put to film (Blade Runner is the only thing right now that seems a worthy adversary in the visual department) make this THE summer movie to see. Wolverine was an Epic Fail, and Terminator looks promising, but this is the movie that had the most to prove. J.J. Abrams somehow made a stellar summer blockbuster film that fans will eat up, and non fans will fall in love with. I can’t wait for their next voyage!!!

My Bloody Valentine 3D

2009-05-14T09:18:00.000-07:00

My bloody valentine was a bloody love letter to the 80’s and I loved it. The film OPENS with this dude who is trapped in a mine collapse with four other guys. He kills them to conserve oxygen, only to go into a coma. One year later, on the anniversary of the collapse, a bunch of kids go partying at the mine (of COURSE!!) and wouldn’t you know Harry Warden wakes up at the hospital, killing everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) and then heads to the mine to exact his revenge on, um, a bunch of horny drinking teens who have nothing to do with anything really, except their doing it AT THE MINE!!!! And by the way, that was the first 4 minutes!!!!!!! Lol. I can’t describe how gory and inventive the death scenes are, and how genuinely neat the 3D effect was. This movie definitely starts with a bang.

Then the plot comes in. It’s just ok I guess. I actually liked the love triangle thing they had going on, even though Jansen Eckles is for SURE the worst actor to ever grace the screen. And I make that statement having seen Glitter AND “From Justin to Kelly: An American Idol Movie.” But Kerr Smith is interesting as the adulterous cop. The plot thickens; red herrings are thrown at you like salmon at the Seattle fish market. But where the movie excels is pretty much the death scenes. Particularly ONE death scene. The one everyone is talking about.

It involves a naked woman, well I take that back. She has high heels on. But she’s real naked, and real pissed, and she has a gun. And throughout the course of this sequence, she runs, naked, tries to shoot a gun naked, then trips and falls naked, is called a whoar and has money thrown on her naked, watches a man get pix axed to death…naked, and then hides under a bed and watches…are you ready for this….a midget get pinned to the ceiling light with an axe…NAKED!!!!!!!I can’t get over how in about 7 minutes or so, you see so much full frontal nudity, AND 3 very graphic deaths, and somehow it all got through the ratings board. It’s hilarious and gross, and in 3D! Yes. 3D giggling boobs are involved.

Are there problems with this? Well, that’s tough to say. The movie most definitely had its tongue in its cheek. So to call out the cheesy dialogue and such would be missing the point. I think other than some soap opera-ish moments, that fell flat, this movie is a wild adult entertainment, that would have been awesome in regular viewing, but is now EPICLY entertaining in 3 muthaf#$*ing D!!!! I seriously recommend that everyone go see this asap!!!

Do you come from the land down under?

2009-05-14T09:16:00.000-07:00

Australia was really interesting. Like all of Baz Luhermans movies, it’s got parts that your just not sure of, that you have to let grow on you. Or you just hate it and movie on. This newest film of his is no different.
I’ll just put up a pro and con list for this one…first the bad:
CON
It’s REALLY long, with two VERY distinct halves. The first one wasn’t all that interesting to me, but the second was. Others may differ.
The movie has a hard time deciding how it wants to play its aboriginal aspect. On one hand we’re meant to have sympathy for the way they were treated. But then the movie shows them as bizarre mystical spirits that dance and sing and come and go as they please. I just felt it at odds with the rest of the film.
Signs of a rushed post production reared its ugly head at times with a couple shoddy special effects shots. But nothing was GLARINGLY bad, so that was good, but when the cattle are racing toward the cliff I shouldn’t be noticing how Nicole Kidman is at full gallop and her hair isn’t moving.

PRO
Hugh jackmans body
Nicole Kidman isn’t annoying, which she very easily can be. I think it was a bit of typecasting here, but that’s cool. He’s supposed to be a stuck up bitch, and that she does well.
The cinematography is amazing. It makes me want to go to Australia more than ever now.
The music. The most memorable sequence involves Kidman looking through the ruble after Darwin is bombed. All of a sudden you hear “somewhere over the rainbow” on a harmonica in the far off distance. As it gets louder she hears an aboriginal children’s choir singing it in their native tongue and she goes off running in slow motion of course through the smoke toward the music. It’s cheesy and melodramatic, and I LOVED that sequence more than anything else in the movie. It’ll also make more sense once you see it.
Hugh Jack man sticking up for his friend when he’s not allowed into the bar. His line of dialogue is SOOOO awesome, his delivery so intense, it’s worth waiting 3 hours to get to that point.!!

Babe: Pig in the city

2009-05-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

I know you may be wondering why on earth I’d want to post a review for such an obscure children’s film out of the blue, but trust me, if you’ve seen it you know. Babe: Pig in the City is the most violent, dark, complex, emotional children’s film I’ve ever seen, and above all else, a really great movie period.
IT starts off with The farmer getting put up in bed and the wife having to take babe into “the city” to get money from appearing at a state fair (babe is now a celebrity, lol) Sounds like a cute little kids film so far, and it is. Until the Mrs. Gets arrested at the airport for drug trafficking!!!! You read that right. Can this REALLY be happening? Well, they finally get to the city, which looks like the landscape from BLADE RUNNER or DARK CITY or BATMAN only during the day, and things get worse. The animal hotel they stay at has this absent minded clown living there with a bunch of his monkeys, performing for terminally ill children. Babe gets swept up in the show, just in time for this old clown to die. Yea, that’s right, He dies, and the animals of the hotel are all left alone in the hotel to fend for themselves.
This leads to a scene that has to be seen to be believed. The monkeys are breaking into a store to get food because they are all starving, while babe distracts some guard dogs. This leads to an EPIC and scary chase through the creepy twisted city streets that collimates with babe getting the guard dog tangled in his own leash, upside down over a river. We watch as this dogs head slowly drops under the water, and watch his hind legs helplessly kick and struggle for air. Then the kicking slows. The other animals watch with no compassion as this dog slowly drowns to death. So we’re 40 minutes in and we have a drug bust, an on screen slo mo death, and now we’re watching a dog die. WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! So the movie doesn’t quite go THERE and babe saves the day. Only for the pound to show up and chase down all the animals with nets and tranq guns (yes, they gun down animals) in another sequence, put to classical music, of the animals one by one being hunted down and caught.
Of course babe and Ferdinand the duck (the best comic relief sidekick since Dory from Finding Nemo) are spared and it’s up to them and a little pooch names flealick to save the day. Did I mention flealick is handicap and can’t use his hind legs, so he rolls around in a doggie wheelchair. Oh, and the reason he can’t walk is cause his human put him in a bag and dropped him out the window. Yea, I’m serious!!!!
So on one hand I’m glad I didn’t see this as a child. I would surely have been scared for life. I’m 24 and honestly had a really hard time watching that dog slowly drown.. But as an adult (sort of) I can appreciate the rather complex character arcs and life lessons these pint sized animals must learn. They deal with parental death, they deal with being homeless, and they learn the hard way how to survive on their own. All of this is NOT sugar coated, or spoon fed to the audience, but very graphically matter of factly shown. Credit must go to the director/ writer who is also responsible for the MUCH more gentle first one (which was nominated for an OSCAR!!!) and just recently HAPPY FEET (another cute family film with sudden dark turns). He doesn’t hold back in the dark material, making the lighter ones carry all the more impact. The honest and brutal story, along with literally some of the best cinematography and set design I’ve ever seen in my life, and amazing choral and classical music score make this one of the best movies I’ve seen. I can not recommend this enough, and I know everyone is thinking “but it’s a dumb animal kids movie sequel” but I guarantee you if you give it a chance you will NOT be disappointed. A quick IMDB search shows it was, in 1998 when it came out, on Ebert top ten of the year list, as well as Newsweek and TIME!!!!lol seriously, how did I miss this movie?????

Twin Peaks is Freaky FUN!!!!

2008-08-07T16:07:00.000-07:00

One day in the sleepy northern town of Twin Peaks a girl is found dead. Her body has been stripped and wrapped in plastic, and all manner of unsightly insects crawl over her permanently open eyes as she washes up to shore. The small community is not very well equipped to handle such an atrocious crime, so an F.B.I. agent is sent in to aid the local bumbling law enforcement in apprehending the killer, and getting to the bottom of the mysteries. What follows for 29 episodes is easily the most strange, shocking and hilarious television shows I’ve ever seen in my life
Dale Cooper comes to the small town thinking it'll be a walk in the park. Two days in he has a dream, a dream that would be forever imprinted in the memory of anyone who watches the show. A sequence that would be parodied on Saturday night live, AND sesame street. It's also the most bizarre mind trip ever. However, most importantly, it lays the seeds of clues that point to all the answers. After having seen the entire show all the way to the end, the revelations are mostly all spelled out in this one early dream sequence. The thing is it's hard to tell what’s important and what’s a clue when there's a midget dancing to jazz music and Laura Palmer, the high school prom queen victim talking backwards and trying to (still in reverse) seduce agent Cooper (who is NOT in reverse) oh, and there's a strobe light also.

But that’s the tip of the ice burg in this wayward town. A one eyed house wife toils all day in hopes of creating a silent drape runner, the first of its kind. You think this sub plot is just comic relief until it points to a clue. Or a quiet old woman who spends her days drinking coffee and eating pie at the local diner, with a log. That’s right, a log. Once again, it's funny, funnier still when she approaches the authorities and tells them that her log was there the night Laura died, and that it saw everything. Unfortunately they don't ask the log nicely so it refuses to spill the beans. However, she gets the last laugh as it turns out the history and explanation behind the log, and the fact that it REALLY WAS there, are much more complicated and emotional than you'd think.
The show is filled to the brim with odd characters whose quirks all seem to lead to more clues. And more strangeness. In fact, one complaint I might have for the beginning of the show is that there are TOO many sub plots going on, most seemingly not connected to the core mysteries, who killed Laura palmer and why? But that’s the magic of this show, because patience is a virtue, and all the threads do indeed connect. Some not until the final episode. But when they do, your jaw will drop at the ingenuity of it all. Think of CLUE mixed with Law and Order and Reno 911 and you might start to get an idea. OH, and did I mention Laura’s mom starts having visions of a screaming Native American killing Laura? Just a dream right? Not so once Cooper starts seeing the very same man. But what of a dream when you discover the man in them has been dead for years?
There is a moodiness and sense of dread that permeates the whole show, and it's done with the muted colors, the constant bad weather, the creepy music (reminiscent of the shining) the sudden outbursts of violence, and in some choice sequences, gore. It’s this aspect that really sets Twin Peaks apart from other shows. Its structure has been often imitated since. J.J.Abrams has gone on the record and said that this show has directly inspired him on both ALIAS and especially LOST. But none of his shows, nor anything else since has captured the off kilter eeriness of this classic.
And then there's the ending. Can you imagine who the killer is? I narrowed it down to 4 people and was right with one of them, but was wrong with the motive. Go figure. It's a doozy, and even the revelation is done with a twisted bizarre glee not seen since that crazy dinner scene with "the family" at the end of the Texas chainsaw massacre. Yea, that’s right, ya hurd me. It's satisfying and creepy, and hilarious, and the perfect cap off to one of the most original things I’ve ever seen. It IS 29 episodes long, so it is an investment in time, but a can tell you here and now that once it starts, you can't look away. and once it's over, you'll find yourself unable to stop thinking about the mysteries of TWIN PEAKS

p.s. as an added bonus, it's fun to play "spot the celebrity" with Laura Flynn Boyle, Heather Graham and even David Duchovney turning up!!!

The Midnight Meat Train Review

2008-08-03T07:51:00.001-07:00

Horror movies now days seem to take on the same thing over and over again. You have either the devil child, the sad killer who stalks and slashes teens, or a creepy Asian with long dark hair doing things with technology. All the above mentioned films also always take place in a gothic southern mansion and surrounding countryside, or some other secluded alienating location. Enter Clive Barkers Midnight Meat Train, a film based on one of Clive’s short stories, that is both original and effective, and a welcome refreshing thriller in the now stale “horror/thriller” genre.
Bradley Cooper (Alias, The Wedding Crashers) plays a struggling photographer in some unnamed, generic big city (Chicago, New York, they could all fit) and lives with his supportive girlfriend (Iron Mans Leslie Bibb). Their best friend, that creepy guy who had that unfortunate ending in Hostel 2 knows someone who knows someone who knows Brook Shields (Lipstick Jungle) who owns an art gallery. Through a series of events, Cooper’s character is led into the city underground to find its “heart” and take pictures of it for some fancy art gallery showing. This could be his big break. What he stumbles onto is a series of brutal murders, and disappearances, in one of the more telling and creepy scenes, revealing that such occurrences have been going on since the early 1900!!!! He soon has a one on one run in with Mahogany, the well dressed killer with a doctor’s bag of killing implements, his favorite being a heavy metal mallet. Vinnie Jones (bad ass in pretty much any movie he’s ever been in) plays the part without a single word uttered. Which is rare for him, but the silence goes a long way in amping up the creep factor. It’s all in his eyes.

This movie is just an awesome example of style over substance. It’s scary, it’s effective, it’s quick, and just under an hour and a half, the movie knows what it is and gets there fast. Is it deep and logical and thought provoking? No, but it does tap into a real fear that many people have, and that’s the subway. It’s a fact that thousands go missing every year, and it’s a fact that late at night this specific mode of transportation is not the cleanest, or most inviting. Here is a movie that takes that untapped idea and gives it a mythical, epic horror story behind all the mayhem. This IS where the movie falters just a bit. There is a rather supernatural denouncement, which although there are clues to throughout the film, is never really stressed. So it does come as somewhat of a surprise shift in tone that you will either buy and be freaked out by, or be confused and underwhelmed by. However this IS Clive Barker, and if you’re familiar with his work (Hell raiser) then you won’t be surprised at all.

What does work, and work in spades is the direction. The opening death scene has our victim sitting alone, listening to music and everything she does is in fast motion, and herky jerky style like time laps photography, and out of focus, in the background, the killer gets up, mallet in hand, in slow motion. No edits, no cuts, Mahogany just slowly walks up until his slow motion and her time laps come crashing together and BAM! Still no edits or flashy “SAW” style cuts when her face gets bashed in. Its small stylistic flourishes like this that makes every scene in the movie a wonder to watch. Take for example another death scene, shown as a point of view of our victim. After being attacked, and bloody, she slips and slides around the metal train car unable to get a grip on anything until she gets hit in the neck, her view spinning in circles until it rests on her own body, several feet away, still twitching, and headless. We then zoom out of her eyeball, her body still visible in the reflecting of her eye, as she involuntarily blinks. Or another where Leslie Bibb and Co. are snooping through someone’s house, that someone now on their way home. The camera swoops up, looking down on everyone as if from a birds eye view, sliding from room to room, through the walls, down the halls, so you have a PERFECT sense of where everyone is in relation to each other, something that most horror movies now a days don’t bother with.
The Midnight Meat Train is an awesome movie. It’s not an all time classic, but it is does have the makings of a cult classic. Like The Descent or The Skeleton Key or The Orphanage, it’s one of those movies no one hears about, but once you seek it out your pleasantly surprised at just how kick ass it turns out to be. High on style, Medium on substance, it’s always a visual treat; just to look at, even when sometimes the convoluted plot gets in its own way. HIGHLY recommended if you enjoy a good quick scare that will linger in your mind the next time you get in that subway, or walk down that deserted alleyway at night alone……

terror awaits you...INSIDE!

2008-07-23T14:51:00.000-07:00

So what is "too far?" I'm talking with movies. Where do you draw the line? For me personally, it's when something goes from entertainment, to gratuitus shock value. the one and only time i got up and walked out of a film was The Hills Have Eyes. When a mother is being raped by a mutant, who then puts a gun to the forehead of her infant, thats where i draw my line. But that movie was a huge hit, so obviously everyone has a different line. For me it's when kids are put in needless danger in films. not only is it a tired cliche (how many times can the action hero's son or daughter REALLY get kidnapped) but in the case of hills have eyes, it went much to far over the edge.
With that in mind, prepair yourself for the most depraved, the most vile, gory, inhumane SICK motion picture i have ever seen in my life. It's also a masterpiece of timing, suspence, and craftsmanship. INSIDE. A french thriller that was a sensation in it's native europe, tried briefly to get released here in the states, but the M.P.A.A. now famously said that there is no amount of editing that can save this film from an N.C.-17 (the kiss of death rating if a distributer wants to make any kind of money off of it). So it's relegated to dvd, though thankfully unedited.
The film opens with a car crash. or rather, the immediate aftermath. a woman sits in the drivers seat, airbag deployed, she's bloody and bruised. The camera slowly pans over to her husband in the passenger seat who's obviously not as lucky as she was. she wakes up and looks down....at her unborn child. she's pregnant. we flash forward some time. It's christmas eve in Paris, and riots have taken over the metropolitan areas (a nice touch that both alianates our main character, but also sets the film in the very real here and now) and our very pregnant lead is biting her time till she's induced, scheduled for the next day. She's alone, her husband now dead. Things couldn't really get any worse for her, you'd think. An unnamed woman shows up, demanding that her baby rightfully belongs to HER, and that she'll do anything to get it. anything.

It's a simple enough premis, basically a home invasion horror film (panic room and vacancy are both stellar examples of the sub genre) but this film belongs in a class all it's own. Once the deaths start occuring (you'd be suprised at how high the body count gets) you'll watch (or not watch) in awe as the unflinching camera lingers on the morbid details. Details such as the geisure of blood spraying out of the neck of a victim stabbed with knitting needles, and splashing all over the family photo's hung on the wall. Or a pair of scissors stuck into a victims hand, pinning them to the door so they can't escape. Or a gunshot wound thats probably the most horrifying thing i've ever seen (it oozes, a LOT) As the deaths stack up so do the questions. Why does this woman want the baby so bad? why does she keep claiming it's "hers.?" Everything is revealed in a sinister final that recalls a Grimm Fairytale. complete with ironic twist that answers everything in a satisfying little conclusion.
The Villaness, never named, is an astounding presence of intimidation. take for example a sequence where our hero is sitting watching television. some crappy christmas special (they even have em even in france!) it's dark, theres only the light from the television. we sit and watch as she watches. for an uncomfortably long time. then, slowly, if your paying attention, you see something...a figure. it's the villan slowly creeping up on her. closer, closer still untill she's standing an imposing 6 feet tall right behind her, smelling her, lightly brushing her hair. then, slowly, just as our victim-to-be starts to sense soemthing, the figure slowly slids back into the darkness. The killer is in the house. we see her again shortly after looking through a window. it's all the more creepy that she has the power to slip in and out of the house at will.

Here is an example of a film that is graphic, easily the most graphic i've seen in my life, but it's not ABOUT the gore like it's american Hostel and Saw compatriots. This is about the characters first, and it shows just as much blood and guts as there would be if it was actually happening.It's horrifying in that its all too real a situation. You read about stuff like this in the news. But where the grizzly details are skimmed over, here they are shown matter of factly. Instead of a quick blurb by the newscaster about the victim, we have time to live with the people that are affected, time to actually care about them. This is a film i can't quite recomend. If you watch it, you'll think i was crazy to even suggest you do. All i can do is tell you that if you want to be truely frightend, and observe an unflinching portrait of pure evil, watch INSIDE...if you can.

The Dark Knight

2008-07-22T10:53:00.000-07:00

so you all know by now that this film is in fact the second comming. so instead of writing a traditional review, i'll just give you a quick pro and con list.

PRO
-it demands your attention from frame one. there is not one scene that is fluff or padding, every line of dialogue serves a specific purpose. thus the film is long, butdoesn't overstay it's welcome. it's 2 and a half hours and needed every second of it, not a minute more.
- The Joker is the best villan seen on film since hannibal Lecture. He's the first villan who actually delivers in every way possible. He threatens to blow up a hospital? done. He say's he'll make a pencil dissapear...done. He says he'll get rid of Batman...
- the action was all clear and expertly choreographed. Unlike the first film, which was a jumbled mess of nonsense when it came to the hand to hand battles, here everything is fluid and hartd hitting, and easy to follow. You watch in awe as batman uses the most minimal amount of effort required to put down the villans, and it's a thing of imposing brutal beauty when he attacks.
-Harvy dent/two face was the most complete character in the film. He's given the biggest and smoothest story arc, and is actually given the most character developement out of anyone. My heart broke when he...well, ends up the way he does. And i accepted the rather extreem transition his character goes through.

CONS
-Rachel Daws. Her character is basically there to serve the plot and nothing else, and though they DO take care of her pointless part during the second act, Maggy Gylenhaul is ugly, and i mean that in every sense of the word, though i suppose she's better than Katie Holmes, who was thankfully off somewhere talking to aliens with suri and tom.
- Morgan freemans character seems to pick and choose where his "moral code" starts and stops and it seemed a bit wishy-washy, especially toward the end. but i suppose i can see why director/writer Nolan wanted to keep the amount of characters to a minimum, it's just a shame Lucious seemed to pick the short end of the stick.
-after a certain someone gets knocked off, i wanted to see more of the emotional aftermath, but everyone, especially bruce wayne, seem to get over it pretty quickly. as in, one 4 minute scene later and it's all but forgotten by everyone. that is the one aspect of the film that i felt should have slowed down and taken the time to analyze. All well.

Mama Mia!

2008-07-22T10:43:00.000-07:00

this will be short and sweet. Like the movie itself. ok, so here it is folks, you like abba? you'll love this. if your just ok with ABBA, then you'll probably still love this, but if you hate abba, then this is not for you. This is one of those situations where it works for those that like what it is, and wont work for those that don't. Get it? it's like, if you like horror movies, then you'll love the exorcist, but if you don't like horror movies, no matter how good it's made, you won't like the exorcist. Same here. That being said i love abba and LOVED this. What i was most suprosed by was how messy the movie was. the dialogue all sounded imporvised. when the characters were drinking, which was often, they REALLY seemed drunk, flubbing lines left and right and missing their marks and generally having a good time. thats the key here, everyone seemed to be having so much fun getting plastered and sunburned on the greek isles that it's infectious. So it doesn't have the crisp choreography of Chicago, or the perfectly timed plot structure of Hairspray (which i loved but WAS clearly edited to death in postproduction to the point that you can tell) this film comes off more like they showed up, had a blast, filmed everything, and made of it what they could after the fact. that being said, Meryl Streep acts her butt off (singing the winner takes it all in ONE TAKE on a seaside cliff at sunset in 5 minutes of perfect cinematic joy) and can actually sing VERY well, she's not just servicable, unlike Pierce Brosnan who does scrape by, mostly due to the meager song selection he's (wisely) given. Amanda Seyfried, my jesus, is awsome!!!! she reminds me of a young lily tomln from 9 to 5, or a sexier luciel ball. and she can sing. You'll forget she was dumb mean girl #2 in MEAN GIRLS, or her turn as an ill fated boozing sexpot on the most amazing television show ever VERONICA MARS. She ownes this role, and cry's on demand several times, giving Streep a run for her oscar earning money! I loved it. You may or may not, but if you will or wond, you already know.

a picture says a thousand words.....

2008-06-23T20:01:00.001-07:00

so leave a message telling me what YOU think is going on here. I guess I don't have to tell you that i was in TEARS from laughing after this happend.

"HULK SMASH!!!" and boy does he!

2008-06-20T16:40:00.000-07:00

The Incredible Hulk was AWSOME!!!! I loved every second of it. It was better than Iron man. It knew what it was, an ACTION movie, and had the good sense to put lots of that in it. It didn’t hurt that Edward Norton, one of the best actors we have around these days, fits into he role like a GLOVE. Liv Tyler needs to work more, and I’m glad she’s already signed on for the sequels as Betsy Ross, the heroin of the film. Of note is their relationship. Unlike every freaking other superhero movie, these guys have a complex past, and she’s “moved on” and he can’t get to “exited” or he hulks out, and all these little details to their relationship that make it all the more interesting. Also, the villain. Thank GOD for a proper villain (I’m looking at you Mr. lets come up with a bad guy in the last 20 minutes just so we can call our self an action film Iron Man) who has reason and motive, and is also VERY interesting, with many different angles. Also worth praise is the action itself. I knew what was going on every second. Every fight, every chase, I knew who was where and chasing who. Unlike transformers. Also, these monsters have weight. When they jump, it looks like they are exerting themselves, and when they land, it looks like it hurts. The final battle in the streets of new York is the largest scale action scene I’ve seen in a LOGN time and when the immortal words “hulk SMASH!” are uttered, not only did he do good on his promise, it brought the audience to a near standing ovation. It was sheer bliss to see this much awesome comic book action in one film. Spiderman was goofy. Batman was always more interested in character and plot over actual action (and in that one instance I’m ok with that) and Hellboy isn’t mainstream enough to get a budget for the kind of action this film throws down. Complaints? Pacing. The movie is 2 hours on the nose and it is WIDLEY publicized that Edward Norton (screenwriter as well as actor) had a HUGE falling out with Marvel over the cut of this film. Sometimes a scene is trimmed here and there. But there was 70 minutes of completed footage excised. And it shows. Supporting characters pop up out of nowhere and disappear just as quickly. Some of the military personal including William hurt come off as one note, when you can just FEEL there was more left in the wings. All well, no matter, that’s what DVD is for. As is, the summer has officially begun, and this is my favorite movie so far. Just a blast.

You'r better off killing yourself before seeing THE HAPPENING

2008-06-20T16:39:00.000-07:00

So The Happening was probably the most gleefully horrible film I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s the first time since Mystery Science Theater 3000 went off the air that I wished it was back on. I think a revival of that show is in order for one special engagement. The latest from M. Night “I’m a hack” Shamalamadingdong. Mark Walberg and Zoe Deschanel are two of my favorite actors around. Walberg seems to be on the cusp of serious a list status and Zoe is just as cute as a button with oodles of charm and charisma (she was the best thing about elf. And yes, that’s a burn against will Ferrell) but not in this thing. But are they to blame? No. they have both proven to be amazing previously. The plot, a mass series of suicides in New York and other heavily populated areas for no apparent reason, leading most to assume terrorist attacks of the noxious kind. These are quickly dispelled of course by handy radio and news reports, that no matter how grave a situation, everyone seems to have time to stop and listen to. So what is IT?!?!?! Well, it’s plants. I’m not ruining anything, it’s in the first 30 minutes, and they talk about it for the rest of the running time. Get it? The plants are pissed at us for global warming so they’ve developed a natural toxin that kills us parasite humans off, in the form of self deletion. O.K. kind of lame, but there is some serious potential in that plot. Unfortunately, the actors, plot, or anything else with any semblance of talent or skill are no match for...M. Night Shamalamadingdong.The sixth sense was a great film with a killer ending. Signs was an awesome little twilight zone episode made for feature length. Unbreakable was boring and slow with hands down one of the laziest, obvious, tired “twist” endings I’ve ever seen. The Village and Lady in the Water were both so horrible I won’t even grace them with my negative remarks. So here we have is “first r rated Movie” with means nothing because 3 seconds of SLIGHTLY bloody bodies could be trimmed and a pg-13 would be secured. The much ballyhooed death scenes pale in comparison to “PULSE” which is an Asian film I’ll get to a little bit later on. A man feeds himself to a tiger. Are you SERIOUS!?!?!?! The entire audience I saw this with, myself included could NOT STOP LAUGHING!!!! People waiting in line to use a gun to shoot themselves? Might be creepy, even though shamalamadingdong points the camera at the people’s feet. That’s right, an entire sequence, for NO REASON is shot at floor level, as you HEAR people shoot themselves. It’s a bad directorial choice. It’s even dumber considering it’s “his first R rated movie.” If only it ended there. Marky Mark talks to a tree. That’s right, a tree. Here is the best part, when he realizes it’s a plastic tree, he STILL talks to it in fear! I kid you not I was crying I was laughing so hard. If this was his first film, mark Walberg would never work again. Zoe deschanel unfortunately is early in her career, and this heaping pile of crap will make it VERY hard for her to get any more work. And ramalamading dong? He’s already set to make Avatar: The last Air bender for nickelodeon. Yea, a live action cover of that kids cartoon show. Maybe that’d be more his speed. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s fired for it. The village tanked, and so did lady in the water. Now this. Mind you they all had strong openings. But the sharpest fall offs due to horrible word of mouth. How many more movies can this guy “make” and coast off the 6’Th sense phenom? How many more chances is he going to get? He’s getting worse and worse and idiots keep giving him a second chance. He’s a joke, as is this movie. Luckily for him, this is one of the rare occasions where it’s so bad it’s good. Drinking games will be invented. MSTK3 will come back on the air, JUST for this. And Wal-Mart is already clearing some space in their $5 bins for this.

Those big apple whores with the hearts of gold

2008-05-30T07:38:00.000-07:00

So Sex and the City was pretty darn great. Let me set up this review with some background on the show in reguards to myself. I never watched it on HBO. I've only seen probably 5 full episodes front to back, and none were in any sort of chronological order. I have no predisposition to which lady should or shouldn't be with any certain guy. I don't have all the knowledge of the ladies pasts, breakups and back stories and such and so forth. And still, i loved sex and the city.
The evening started with Alex, Aless and a couple other fine ladies meeting up at bubba gump shrimp, lol, for some food and conversation. We started with talking about the most akward "sex" moments and someone who shall remain nameless for protection (it's not me) was once dropped on her head!!! AAHHH! I couldn't stop laughing at all the stories.
That was the perfect precurser to the film itself, which is all about the drama, the laughes, the city, and yes the sex. Actually, this film was very tame in the reguards to the latter, more so than the show itself even. No matter, the film is too busy setting up several plotlines insuring each lady thier own time to shine. The acting was all top notch, and everyone is faced with questions that had even the audience we were with polarized. How far does forgiveness go? what DO you forgive? How much of a relationship is "you" and how much of it is the time and effort you spend on the other person? All these questions and more are dealt with in the 2 hour and 47 minute movie which breezes by like an hour and a half. It covers a years time, and probably a seasons worth of material.
It's the kind of movie you watch when your sick in bed all day, and need a cheer me up. It's in the same category as "Love Actually" or "Mean Girls" or "sleepless in seattle." But not "The Notebook" because that movie sucked so hard i can't fathom why anyone likes it. But i digress, Sex and the City is comfort food made to perfection for what it is. I liked it. It made me think, and it got Aless to cry. Well, not cry, but she most def. got a little faclempt at several points (the brooklyn Bridge meeting for example) of course she'll never admit any of that. But if it can get aless to do that, then it's a keeper.

Go Speed Racer GO!!!!!!!

2008-05-29T15:41:00.000-07:00

Speed Racer is 99 flavors of crack cocaine and I loved every second of it. I can most definitely see why this movie bombed hard core. I can see why some people with HATE the nonsense out of it. But I LOVED it, and I can’t get enough of it. The music. The cheesy schmaltzy father son talks. The inspirational mom speeches. The Obligatory smooch at the end. The little brother and monkey sidekick. It’s all been done before, but before it was done out of laziness. Here, it’s done earnestly and lovingly, and it works. I bought it. Not everyone will. If you buy into it, you’ll feel like a kid again, like I did. I remember putting together that micro machines speedway all day long, and turning out the lights and watching the glow in the dark cars wiz and shoot past. My brain amplified that to a thousand, and even then, my brain couldn’t fathom the sights you will see in speed racer. The car chases are astounding. Are they realistic, hell no! Who cares!?!?! Who goes to speed racer for clinical car chases? The car chases in this movie are like the musical numbers in Disney cartoons, like the opening action scenes in the original bond films, they are a character all their own, and a wonder to behold. Remember that rush you got when Sloth screamed “Hey you guys!” or the lump in your throat you got when Simba’s dad died? These were schmaltzy scenes, and viewed as an adult, you wouldn’t by it, you wouldn’t like it, and you’d probably laugh it off like the cynical mess that you are. But as a kid, you ate it up. You couldn’t get enough of it. This film is for the young at hart. It’s for those of us that can still remember the sheer joy of exploring the uncharted pirate infested tunnels in your own back yard or cheering on your glow in the dark micro machine. If not, then this movie is not for you. This movie is for me.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls a.k.a. Fracking ALIENS!?!?!?!

2008-05-29T15:06:00.000-07:00

Indiana Jones was awesome, until the ending. This review is going to be short and sweet because that’s all it deserves really. The movie is a very well made adventure romp that sits very comfortably next to the previous Indiana Jones pictures. Karen Allen is back as everyone’s favorite Indy love interest. Shia LaBeouf continues to take over the world one summer blockbuster at a time, and does an annoyingly good gob at it. (Also, check out the trailer for his new movie, Eagle Eye, it looks all kinds of AWSOME!!!)
In fact that was my favorite part of the movie; the relationships. The action is all well choreographed, and THANKFULLY it’s all very smoothly shot and edited and there is NONE of that annoying “shaky-cam” nonsense the Bourne films started (just to make it clear, I liked it in the Bourne films cause it fit the tone of what they were, much like I also love it in the series 24, however, not EVERYONE needs to shake the camera and think that immediately means “intense!”) but the action was a known, a given. The acting and relationships and dialogue was all much better than you’d expect and a true joy. Harrison Ford’s reaction to seeing Marion Crane after all these years is priceless, just sheer cinematic joy.
That brings me to the two things I didn’t like about the film. The first one is john Williams. That’s right I said it, the man is lazy. I know he’s old, but that’s no excuse. Remember all those countless memorably tunes he made in the 80’s and 90’s? REMEMBER them all? I don’t, I can’t, there are too many. Well, other than the Harry Potter theme, all he does now days is play tracks from his greatest hits album over everything he does. I LOVE the Indy theme, but I literally heard it 36 times During Crystal skulls. Indy gets a drink from the water fountain = dun dun dun Da dun dad um…Shame on you Williams, try being creative and not cribbing from your own past library!
Secondly, the ending. The last 20 minutes or so is so outlandish (even by Jones standards) I couldn’t take it. ALIENS!?!?! REALLY!?!?!?! It was lame and that’s all there is to it. Them talking about the aliens and their relationship to the ancient civilizations was fascinating, the idea of the crystal skull itself was great and cool, but the actual execution of it, well, the mummy was more believable, and the mummy is a rip off of Indiana Jones. Therefore, concordantly, ergo, visa VI, the ending sucked worse than a knock off…and that sucks. Got me? Good
The end

Iron Man

2008-05-29T14:48:00.000-07:00

Iron Man was just ok. It was very by the numbers, plug in the romantic interest, insert morally guided best friend, top it off with a super villain, add it to a superhero with a cool gimmick and that equals a very good, if standard summer action movie.
Robert Downy J. is awesome. Always has been, and probably always will be. I LOVED him in this, however I LOVED him in everything he's ever done (and REALLY look forward to him playing an Australian who has an operation to make himself black in TROPIC THUNDER later this year) and the fact that someone has FINALLY given him an entire movie to himself is just cool. Unfortunately, whereas he usually creates interesting characters with very unique material, here he's given something so...generic, I can't help but this what this could have been like if Tim Burton directed it.
As it is, Jon Favreau does decent work. He's one of those actor turned directors that seem to be popping up left and right now-a-days. Favreau hasn't done anything near this scale before, but he handles it ok. I put him in the same category as Brett Ratner and Chris Columbus. Those two directed such films as rush hour and home alone and RENT and red dragon. What do all of those films have in common (and unfortunately this one as well)? BLAND! Everything is very competently done, but with no flavor or artistic value. Their camera set up's are basic, but get the job done, and none of the actors stand in front of each other. That seems to be about the only compliment I can give it.
Also, I may be the only one out there who feels like this, but I’m sick of all of these super hero movies that are all pretty much the same. That’s why I LOVE comic book films like Batman Begins and Hellboy and 300, they go about their story in such a unique and interesting way, and present such fascinating heroes and set up such hard obstacles to overcome, that when something as "competent" as Iron man comes along, I can't help but think that at this point in the game, we as an audience deserve better.
Still, the special effects are cool. Gwyneth Paltrow turns in a thankless yet charming performance, and Robert Downy Jr. is in it, so it's not all bad. Will I watch it again? No, probably not, but I’m not sad I spent the money on the ticket.

best ALIAS fight scene EVER!

2008-05-06T10:06:00.000-07:00

So this scene was from the finally of ALIAS season 2. I'd like to point out that this was WAY before KILL BILL had even been made. I say this because of a VERY similar sequence in K.B. Vol.2 with uma and hannah in the trailer. Now, Quintin Tarantino is a HUGE alias fan, having been in several episodes, as well as directing a fiew also. Hmm, i wonder...

BEST of 07'

2007-12-26T04:46:00.000-08:00

In no particular order, i have assembled the BEST films of 2007, THAT I'VE SEEN! lets make that part very clear, there are quite a few that i'm duying to get my eye's on that either i had no time for, or didn't come and play here in O-Town. So expect some additions in the near future.

1.) Black Snake Moan. Samuel L. JACKSON and Christina Ricci give career defining moments here in one of the most bizzare plots i'v ever even heard of, let alone seen. Basically Jackson comes across town whore Ricci, who's going crazy cause her boyfriend (justin Timberlake, showing off suprisingly good chops here) is off in iraq. He chains her to his house, and starts readign her the bible and teaching her the blues, in an effort to "cure her of her wicked ways." Well, it works. The music, the twists and turnes of the events, everything comes together to make a film so heartbreaking in it's harsh reality and hylarious in it's absurd comedy that you'll never forget it.

2.) Sweeny Todd. The music is not catchy. there is almost NO color in the entire thing, and everyone looks dirty and ugly. and i LOVED every second of it. Probably the grosest story ever gets retold as a musical with an all star cast and tim burton behind the camera. As usual, it's splendid. Think Sleepy Hollow with singing, and there ya go. Not much else to say. Loved it.

3.) Across the Universe. A COMPLETLY different type of musical to Sweeny Todd. This is going to be in my all time in history lists. A musical, with an origional story, set to the music of the beatles. Julie Taymore (director of the lion king on broadway and the oscar winning FRIDA) puts so much imagination and invention into every single shot, you can't take your eye's off of it. The music is sung in such origional ways, and given such new meaning and context, you'll be hearing these old classics like you've never even thought of. Simply amazing, from beginning to end. This one will be getting heavy rotation on dvd from me, thats for sure!

4.) The Kingdom. A very Well done episode of Law and Order for the first hour, and one of the best action films EVER MADE for the second half. You could litterally divide the film in half and think you have two different movies on your hands. This is the epidomy of excelent craftsmanship. The script is SMART first, then entertaining second. So when the cars start flying and the guns a blazin' you actually CARE about whats going on. Also, the last 2 minutes is such a shocker on an ending, but not in event, but of character revelations, you'll have to see it to believe it!

5.) Pans Labyrinth. Alice in Wonderland for grown ups. Guiermo Del Torro has crafted a VERY beautiful film in his native mexico, taking old myths and legends of his culture, and flipping them on their heads. It's dark, touching, and ultimatly uplifting.

6.) The abandond. A return to psycological horror. An adopted woman suddenly learns the mother she could never find has died, and left her a sprawling house in the backwoods of russia. Thats all the set up you need for one of the truely scariest films i'v ever seen in my life. You'll have many different options to choose from once the film is over, as it never REALLY comes out and says what's going on, but there are enough hints in all directions that everything sounds good. Probably the best haunted house film ever, up there with the origional The Haunting. Seriously, checking this out should be on your priority list.

7.) The Host. A Korean film about a monster that attacks the capital. Sounds like Godzilla right? Wrong. This monster movie delivers all the chills and action of the forger legendary pictures, but adds a family to dysfunctional and hylarious, you'll find a lump in your throat at the end. In turnes horrifying (the first monster attack comes out of no where and is VERY graphic) and harrowing (not all the main characters make it to the end, not even the children are safe!) this is like JAWS, only in a different language, and a MUCH bigger budget.

8.) SUNSHINE. Another horror, though this one more toward a sci-Fi actioneer. Danny Boyl, director of 28 days later goes for a 2001 meets the matirx kinda vibe in the biggest "why wasn't this a huge box office smash over labor day weekend" movie ever. it looks like it had the budget of the lord of the rings, and the action is soo intense you'd think it'd have gotten more of a push than it did. Who knows, it entertained and thrilled the pants off of yours truely, and here it is ont he list!.

9.) No Country For old Men. Very creepily realistic crime opera set in a bleak town by the border. Character actors abound doing what they do best in a jucy little thriller packing more of a punch than most other films of it's ilk. Every performance is stellar, and not one scene is waisted, though you may not always know exactly what it's purpose is, it all comes together.

10.) JUNO. MY FAVORITE FILM EVER!!!!!!!!!! loved this. Jennifer Garner proves she can act without blowing somehting up. Ellen Page proves that you CAN be a teenager, and a good actress (lindsay lohan, are you listening?!?!?!) everything about this just rocks. it's suprising, how such a "litle" film can fill me with such HUGE emotions about life, love, and babies. it's like this years little miss sunshine, only good (cause that movie SUCKED SO BAD IN BOGGLES MY MIND HOW ANYONE COULD THINK IT"S ANYTHING OTHER THAN A LIFETIME TELEVISION FOR WOMEN SPECIAL!!!) but thats beside the point.

Brotherhood of the Wolf

2007-11-27T10:41:00.000-08:00

Would you believe there is a film in existence that is about a rumored supernatural beast killing and maiming poor innocent folk on the French country side during the 18’Th century? What about if I said the pope himself was involved in it’s cover up, enlisting spy’s by way of brothel house matrons, and a native American Indian fresh from the newly discovered Americas doing kung fu (because he was enslaved in Japan for a time, before he got to France, you know, to kill the mythical beast) and throw in a one armed man, a dash of (heavily) implied incest, three double crosses? Well, not only does such a film exist, but it’s based on a true story. You heard me right, and I’ve done my research. It’s all true. Kinda like how everyone thinks the story of Pocahontas was a happy one (thanks Disney) but the actual history books tell another, in France they have this mythical beast killing people, but REALLY, it was the king of France trying to overthrow the pope, who had reigning power at the time. Oh, and the Jim Henson Creature Shop did all the special effects. I’m just saying.
Christophe Gans is the kind of crazy director you need to bring a story like this to life. He has literally SO many ideas, and somehow works every last one of them into a VERY think and convoluted plot. Interestingly, the story is so weird it’s true, giving him a lot of leeway in how far out there he goes. At the time of its release (2001) Brotherhood of the wolf was both the most expensive film made in France (the equivalent to 200 million) and the highest grossing film from France (total worldwide box office is near 300 million) and you can see everything on the screen. Given a Very lackluster release in America (in all honesty, how DO you sell a project like this to the masses) what we missed was one of the best action films in a good long while. I know muskets and swords don’t sound all that exiting now that we have semi automatics being sold at wal-mart, but man, this film uses everything from a hatchet to a VERY inventive (and historically accurate) sword that can slide apart and then come back together for some of the most well choreographed and filmed action set pieces I’ve ever seen.
Visually, there is something in every corner of the screen. Much like the film 300, you could pause at any moment during the film, and that image could be framed and put up as art work, it is THAT lush and beautiful. The creature himself is a mixed bag. When used as a real life prop, the effect his horrifyingly convincing (an early scene with a peasant woman trying to save a lamb is so well done, I didn’t know if I should be ooohing and aahhhing or grossed out) but when it comes to the digital creation (thankfully only used sparingly) the effect is just off enough to pull you out for the film momentarily.
That small squabble aside, the plot basically follows two gentlemen sent by the king of France to investigate a “beast” that is killing people in a secluded province. Once they arrive, thinking there is a logical explanation for everything, they soon realize the beast is much more than they bargained for. Further thickening the plot is when they realize all the victims have something in common, and as the film draws near several people come out gaining quite a bit from this demons precise killings. That’s where things get a little muddled, what with the lead getting involved with a courtesan who turns out to be a spy for the pope. Yea, ya hurd me, the POPE sends a whore as a spy. Just accept it, it happened, no really, like I said, I looked it up. Then there’s the one armed man who turns out to, well, not be one armed after all. But that’s giving too much away.
Brotherhood of the wolf is best described as Sleepy Hollow meets the Matrix meets crouching tiger hidden dragon meets the sound of music by way of the Grimm fairytales. No, seriously. So if your in the mood for something unlike you’ve ever seen before, but COMPLETELY one of the most entertaining experiences EVER, and aren’t stupid enough to hate subtitled films, you MUST check this out. This is literally in my top ten of all time in the book of Eric field’s top ten films. I own a 3 disc set directors cut DVD imported from France that’s not a joke. It’s that high up there in my totem poll, so check it out folks!!!

Beowulf

2007-11-23T07:46:00.000-08:00

Beowulf is a strong, brawny epic with everything and then kitchen sink thrown in just in case. This is both a blessing and curse for this state of the art “motion capture” motion picture from Robert Zemeckis, the man responcible for Forrest Gump, Cast Away, and the Back to the future features.
Every 9’Th grader is forced to read the classic literature, usually against their will. The sing-songy phrasing and SLOW pace usually turn off the average high school student. Celebrated fantasy author Neil Gaiman and Roger Avery (everything from Pulp Fiction to Silent Hill) do an amazing job at cutting out the fat, and beefing up the action and sex to appeal to today’s audience. However, between the script that wants desperately to appeal to today’s younger audiences, while staying true to the source material, things get muddled. The directorial choice to have the picture computer generated might at first glance seem a wise one, given the heavy fantastical elements, that too becomes a misstep to a certain degree. Zemeckis fills the movie with almost distracting visual flair, seemingly just because he can. Also, the picture is in 3D, which is admitidly VERY cool. Unfortunately, between being a really cool 3D movie, a literate epic, and an action movie that can keep up with 300 and gladiator, the film ultimately only mostly succeeds at all of them, and doesn’t ever really feel like it reached the many goals it sets out to accomplish.
That’s not to say the film is nothing short of breathtaking. The computer animation on display here is the best ever, period. There are moments where Anthony Hopkins is speaking, and the camera zooms in on his face, and I guarantee that if an unsuspecting audience member were to walk in right then, they WOULD NOT be able to tell that it was nothing but pixels and digits. It’s s that photorealistic, at times. There does however seem o be some characters that are given more care than others. The women, for example, still lean toward the “shrek” level of quality, while the male counterparts all get much more detail and fluid motions.
The action in the film is also very impressive. This is where the 3D aspect really comes into play. At the end of the feature, when a giant dragon is chasing our hero around, you can’t help but be amazed at the sheer level of violence on screen. Also, earlier scenes, such as Grendel’s attack on a cottage, works amazingly well, computer animated 3D movie or not (I was actually shocked at how graphic it was, especially given the p.g.-13 rating).
At the end of the day, Beowulf is a VERY COOL movie. That’s it. The story is more complex than you’d expect from this kind of movie, but the plot gets muddled in all the forced, albeit amazing action scenes, and it’ll be interesting to watch the film NOT in 3D, and see if the gimmick actually lets you focus on the content more. Time will tell, but as it is, it’s a perfect way to spend 2 hours of the holiday season, and certainly the best computer animated movie up to now.

there is something in....THE MIST!

2007-11-21T08:11:00.000-08:00

The Mist is one of the best Stephen King film adaptations ever; right along side The Shaw shank Redemption and The Shining. However, this is also one of the best films of the year, period. Frank Darabount (who was responsible for the Shaw shank redemption and the other King film, The Green Mile) has taken a short story no less, and turned it into the most intense two hours you will spend in a theater this year, or any year for that matter.
The film starts very abruptly with a violent thunder storm, leaving a small town with slight damage and no electricity. The locals gather together at the local grocery store, and it is here that we meet the varied and stereotypical set of characters. The crazy religious nut (played with so much over the top glee by Oscar winner Marcia gay harden that you start to think televangelism is her true calling) the nebbish store clerk (who is given his heroic moment to shine) the cute young cashier who has all the boys falling over her, and the awkward bagger boy. The last two most definitely NOT falling into the clichéd disaster movie mold. And that is where this film succeeds. It starts off like any other horror film/disaster movie. You have all the elements set up, as they start to play out, as the mist rolls in and people start to disappear, and then start to die, and then start to panic, the clichés are thrown out the window one by one.
There are some familiar faces in the crowd, Gay harden for one, Thomas Jane (punisher) and André Braugher (Poseidon) all give stellar performances, and some street cred to what is otherwise a creature feature, but the order in which they, and others (i.e. small innocent children) are dispatched in increasingly more gruesome ways makes it impossible to tell who the “star” is, who is the clear villain and hero. All these lines are blurred in what quickly becomes a parable on the human condition, and the violence that is inherently in the hearts of man. This becomes all the more apparent when the Religious spinster starts preaching about god, and the end of days, and signs, especially when her biblical premonitions start eerily coming true. The people start having to choose sides, and a little civil war erupts. Suffice it to say not all the deaths in the film are inflicted by other worldly beasts.
Speaking of creatures, nothing can prepare you for the slimy, scaily, tentacled, acid webbed monsters that slither out of the mist. Some of them are vaguely familiar to bugs we all know, just altered (spiders for example, only the size of a coffee table) or mosquitoes (only the size of footballs and with seriously more bite) and others are so foreign the person who came up with their design should be handed an Oscar for creativity, or locked up. You don’t see nary a hint of them for the first hour or so, but once they show up, it’s a non stop assault on the senses.
The people are killed off one by one at a time (actually, more like five by eight) until the climactic sequence. Now, I hate to discuss endings, but here I feel I must give a warning. For anyone who loves happy endings, or at least hopeful endings, stay AWAY!!! This film has the most HORRIFYING, SHOCKING, ending ever put to film. It’s not a twist, it’s not “the sixth sense,” they never give a solid explanation of what’s going on in the mist, but the ending here is so slap you in your face bleak, you’ll either love that a film had the balls to go there, or you’ll cry foul at the irony. It IS however, the logical, and dare I say realistic conclusion to what precedes it though.
The Mist is my favorite film of 2007, not THE BEST (Black Snake Moan is probably still on the top of that list) but this is the most fun you’ll have being scared in a LONG time, quite possibly ever.

Across the Universe

2007-10-04T14:41:00.000-07:00

Across the Universe is a musical about a boy from england looking for his long lost father in america, a free spirited college guy dealing with being drafted, and a girl who questions her government, and how their paths cross during the 60's and 70's. However, instead of breaking into regular old musical numbers, they break out into songs from the beatles. The songs themselves are changes, not in words, but in meaning, some taking to their literal extreem, others a vague montage of an emotion or time or place. each one is sung beautifully by a new and amazing cast of youngsters, and put in VERy interesting situations. "I wanna hold your hand" for example, is sung by a cheerleader at a peprally, to her lesbian crush. Another, and one of the most emotional sequences ever put to film, is "LET IT BE" sung by a gospel choir over images of the detroit race riots, and the dead soldiers being sent home from vietnam. Visually, it is filmed as if every single shot and frame is a painting. you could pause any moment, and frame it, and it would comfortably sit on the wall of any art museum. it is THAT jaw droppingly beautiful. The characters however drive the film, and their story is origional, and stirring. Each is givin something completly different to stand for, and as they clash with eachother, they remind you as an audience member of just what YOU stand for, what you WOULD stand for, and what you would do in the horrible situations they ultimatly find themselves in. The ONLY complaint i can possibly find with the film is the middle section. Bono of U2 shows up as a druggie revolutionary and his performance is fine enough, but his character is pointless, and used meerly to progress the plot from one location to another. His part drags a little slower than it should have, and i will probably be skipping his portion when it comes out on dvd. Other than that. 5 stars out of 5 stars. you owe it to yourself to catch this motion picture!!!!
The kingdom is a very amazing episode of Law and Order, with about 45 minutes worth of terminator 2 thrown in for good measure at the end. thats not to say there is anything wrong with it. A u.s. encampment is bombed in saudi arabia, and some FBI agents are sent in to investigate under EXTREEM pressure and constraints. as the clues mount, and tension builds, much like an episode of the excelent Law and Order program. Instead of an understated denouncement however, this film ends with one of the most bombastic, explosive, tense 45 minute action sequence that you feel exhausted just from watching everyone run around. A car chase that destroys about 98 cars leads to a chase on foot, to a building, which turnes into a shoot out of epic proportions, which turnes itno another chase through the building, ending in a mano e mano fight to the death, only to have another suprose twist and yet ANOTHER shoot out. Once again, nothing wrong with it, and it's done with so much expert craft, i defy anyone to not be on the enge of their seat. Is there lofty messages of world peace or political opinionation? not really, despite the commercials and markieting for the film, it is merely an entertaining thriller/actioneer. Thats fine, especially when it goes fro broke the way this does. Highly recomened
Pushing daisy's is a new show on ABC that is incredible, it's about a man born with a gift/curse. Anyone he touches, they die. Anything for that matter aswell. Likewise, anything he tjouches thats dead, comes back to life. However, there's a catch (there's always a catch!) if he brings someone back to life, he only has a minute to touch them, putting them back to death again, before someone ELSE dies. Example. he touches his mom as a child. she dies. he touches her again, she comes back to life, but his sweethearts father drops dead one minute later. He also has only 2 chances. example, once he killed his mom and brought her back to life, his next touch will kill her forever. Confusing, but brilliantly put out in the pilote episode. The show follows this guy (who works as a pie maker at a pie shop) moonlighting with a detective. they go around touching dead victims, finding out who killed them, puting them back to death, and then collecting on the rewards. When one of the victems is his childhood sweetheart, he chooses to keep her alive at someone else's expence. However, she doesn't know who killed her (a juicy ongoing mystery) and if he ever touches her agian, she's dead for good. It's dark humor and sweet veneer make this one of the most origional and amazingly hypnotic shows ever. it's truely unlike ANYTHING you'v ever seen before.