My Bloody Valentine 3D

My bloody valentine was a bloody love letter to the 80’s and I loved it. The film OPENS with this dude who is trapped in a mine collapse with four other guys. He kills them to conserve oxygen, only to go into a coma. One year later, on the anniversary of the collapse, a bunch of kids go partying at the mine (of COURSE!!) and wouldn’t you know Harry Warden wakes up at the hospital, killing everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) and then heads to the mine to exact his revenge on, um, a bunch of horny drinking teens who have nothing to do with anything really, except their doing it AT THE MINE!!!! And by the way, that was the first 4 minutes!!!!!!! Lol. I can’t describe how gory and inventive the death scenes are, and how genuinely neat the 3D effect was. This movie definitely starts with a bang.

Then the plot comes in. It’s just ok I guess. I actually liked the love triangle thing they had going on, even though Jansen Eckles is for SURE the worst actor to ever grace the screen. And I make that statement having seen Glitter AND “From Justin to Kelly: An American Idol Movie.” But Kerr Smith is interesting as the adulterous cop. The plot thickens; red herrings are thrown at you like salmon at the Seattle fish market. But where the movie excels is pretty much the death scenes. Particularly ONE death scene. The one everyone is talking about.

It involves a naked woman, well I take that back. She has high heels on. But she’s real naked, and real pissed, and she has a gun. And throughout the course of this sequence, she runs, naked, tries to shoot a gun naked, then trips and falls naked, is called a whoar and has money thrown on her naked, watches a man get pix axed to death…naked, and then hides under a bed and watches…are you ready for this….a midget get pinned to the ceiling light with an axe…NAKED!!!!!!!I can’t get over how in about 7 minutes or so, you see so much full frontal nudity, AND 3 very graphic deaths, and somehow it all got through the ratings board. It’s hilarious and gross, and in 3D! Yes. 3D giggling boobs are involved.

Are there problems with this? Well, that’s tough to say. The movie most definitely had its tongue in its cheek. So to call out the cheesy dialogue and such would be missing the point. I think other than some soap opera-ish moments, that fell flat, this movie is a wild adult entertainment, that would have been awesome in regular viewing, but is now EPICLY entertaining in 3 muthaf#$*ing D!!!! I seriously recommend that everyone go see this asap!!!