The Midnight Meat Train Review

Horror movies now days seem to take on the same thing over and over again. You have either the devil child, the sad killer who stalks and slashes teens, or a creepy Asian with long dark hair doing things with technology. All the above mentioned films also always take place in a gothic southern mansion and surrounding countryside, or some other secluded alienating location. Enter Clive Barkers Midnight Meat Train, a film based on one of Clive’s short stories, that is both original and effective, and a welcome refreshing thriller in the now stale “horror/thriller” genre.
Bradley Cooper (Alias, The Wedding Crashers) plays a struggling photographer in some unnamed, generic big city (Chicago, New York, they could all fit) and lives with his supportive girlfriend (Iron Mans Leslie Bibb). Their best friend, that creepy guy who had that unfortunate ending in Hostel 2 knows someone who knows someone who knows Brook Shields (Lipstick Jungle) who owns an art gallery. Through a series of events, Cooper’s character is led into the city underground to find its “heart” and take pictures of it for some fancy art gallery showing. This could be his big break. What he stumbles onto is a series of brutal murders, and disappearances, in one of the more telling and creepy scenes, revealing that such occurrences have been going on since the early 1900!!!! He soon has a one on one run in with Mahogany, the well dressed killer with a doctor’s bag of killing implements, his favorite being a heavy metal mallet. Vinnie Jones (bad ass in pretty much any movie he’s ever been in) plays the part without a single word uttered. Which is rare for him, but the silence goes a long way in amping up the creep factor. It’s all in his eyes.

This movie is just an awesome example of style over substance. It’s scary, it’s effective, it’s quick, and just under an hour and a half, the movie knows what it is and gets there fast. Is it deep and logical and thought provoking? No, but it does tap into a real fear that many people have, and that’s the subway. It’s a fact that thousands go missing every year, and it’s a fact that late at night this specific mode of transportation is not the cleanest, or most inviting. Here is a movie that takes that untapped idea and gives it a mythical, epic horror story behind all the mayhem. This IS where the movie falters just a bit. There is a rather supernatural denouncement, which although there are clues to throughout the film, is never really stressed. So it does come as somewhat of a surprise shift in tone that you will either buy and be freaked out by, or be confused and underwhelmed by. However this IS Clive Barker, and if you’re familiar with his work (Hell raiser) then you won’t be surprised at all.

What does work, and work in spades is the direction. The opening death scene has our victim sitting alone, listening to music and everything she does is in fast motion, and herky jerky style like time laps photography, and out of focus, in the background, the killer gets up, mallet in hand, in slow motion. No edits, no cuts, Mahogany just slowly walks up until his slow motion and her time laps come crashing together and BAM! Still no edits or flashy “SAW” style cuts when her face gets bashed in. Its small stylistic flourishes like this that makes every scene in the movie a wonder to watch. Take for example another death scene, shown as a point of view of our victim. After being attacked, and bloody, she slips and slides around the metal train car unable to get a grip on anything until she gets hit in the neck, her view spinning in circles until it rests on her own body, several feet away, still twitching, and headless. We then zoom out of her eyeball, her body still visible in the reflecting of her eye, as she involuntarily blinks. Or another where Leslie Bibb and Co. are snooping through someone’s house, that someone now on their way home. The camera swoops up, looking down on everyone as if from a birds eye view, sliding from room to room, through the walls, down the halls, so you have a PERFECT sense of where everyone is in relation to each other, something that most horror movies now a days don’t bother with.
The Midnight Meat Train is an awesome movie. It’s not an all time classic, but it is does have the makings of a cult classic. Like The Descent or The Skeleton Key or The Orphanage, it’s one of those movies no one hears about, but once you seek it out your pleasantly surprised at just how kick ass it turns out to be. High on style, Medium on substance, it’s always a visual treat; just to look at, even when sometimes the convoluted plot gets in its own way. HIGHLY recommended if you enjoy a good quick scare that will linger in your mind the next time you get in that subway, or walk down that deserted alleyway at night alone……

terror awaits you...INSIDE!

So what is "too far?" I'm talking with movies. Where do you draw the line? For me personally, it's when something goes from entertainment, to gratuitus shock value. the one and only time i got up and walked out of a film was The Hills Have Eyes. When a mother is being raped by a mutant, who then puts a gun to the forehead of her infant, thats where i draw my line. But that movie was a huge hit, so obviously everyone has a different line. For me it's when kids are put in needless danger in films. not only is it a tired cliche (how many times can the action hero's son or daughter REALLY get kidnapped) but in the case of hills have eyes, it went much to far over the edge.
With that in mind, prepair yourself for the most depraved, the most vile, gory, inhumane SICK motion picture i have ever seen in my life. It's also a masterpiece of timing, suspence, and craftsmanship. INSIDE. A french thriller that was a sensation in it's native europe, tried briefly to get released here in the states, but the M.P.A.A. now famously said that there is no amount of editing that can save this film from an N.C.-17 (the kiss of death rating if a distributer wants to make any kind of money off of it). So it's relegated to dvd, though thankfully unedited.
The film opens with a car crash. or rather, the immediate aftermath. a woman sits in the drivers seat, airbag deployed, she's bloody and bruised. The camera slowly pans over to her husband in the passenger seat who's obviously not as lucky as she was. she wakes up and looks down....at her unborn child. she's pregnant. we flash forward some time. It's christmas eve in Paris, and riots have taken over the metropolitan areas (a nice touch that both alianates our main character, but also sets the film in the very real here and now) and our very pregnant lead is biting her time till she's induced, scheduled for the next day. She's alone, her husband now dead. Things couldn't really get any worse for her, you'd think. An unnamed woman shows up, demanding that her baby rightfully belongs to HER, and that she'll do anything to get it. anything.

It's a simple enough premis, basically a home invasion horror film (panic room and vacancy are both stellar examples of the sub genre) but this film belongs in a class all it's own. Once the deaths start occuring (you'd be suprised at how high the body count gets) you'll watch (or not watch) in awe as the unflinching camera lingers on the morbid details. Details such as the geisure of blood spraying out of the neck of a victim stabbed with knitting needles, and splashing all over the family photo's hung on the wall. Or a pair of scissors stuck into a victims hand, pinning them to the door so they can't escape. Or a gunshot wound thats probably the most horrifying thing i've ever seen (it oozes, a LOT) As the deaths stack up so do the questions. Why does this woman want the baby so bad? why does she keep claiming it's "hers.?" Everything is revealed in a sinister final that recalls a Grimm Fairytale. complete with ironic twist that answers everything in a satisfying little conclusion.
The Villaness, never named, is an astounding presence of intimidation. take for example a sequence where our hero is sitting watching television. some crappy christmas special (they even have em even in france!) it's dark, theres only the light from the television. we sit and watch as she watches. for an uncomfortably long time. then, slowly, if your paying attention, you see something...a figure. it's the villan slowly creeping up on her. closer, closer still untill she's standing an imposing 6 feet tall right behind her, smelling her, lightly brushing her hair. then, slowly, just as our victim-to-be starts to sense soemthing, the figure slowly slids back into the darkness. The killer is in the house. we see her again shortly after looking through a window. it's all the more creepy that she has the power to slip in and out of the house at will.

Here is an example of a film that is graphic, easily the most graphic i've seen in my life, but it's not ABOUT the gore like it's american Hostel and Saw compatriots. This is about the characters first, and it shows just as much blood and guts as there would be if it was actually happening.It's horrifying in that its all too real a situation. You read about stuff like this in the news. But where the grizzly details are skimmed over, here they are shown matter of factly. Instead of a quick blurb by the newscaster about the victim, we have time to live with the people that are affected, time to actually care about them. This is a film i can't quite recomend. If you watch it, you'll think i was crazy to even suggest you do. All i can do is tell you that if you want to be truely frightend, and observe an unflinching portrait of pure evil, watch INSIDE...if you can.

The Dark Knight

so you all know by now that this film is in fact the second comming. so instead of writing a traditional review, i'll just give you a quick pro and con list.

PRO
-it demands your attention from frame one. there is not one scene that is fluff or padding, every line of dialogue serves a specific purpose. thus the film is long, butdoesn't overstay it's welcome. it's 2 and a half hours and needed every second of it, not a minute more.
- The Joker is the best villan seen on film since hannibal Lecture. He's the first villan who actually delivers in every way possible. He threatens to blow up a hospital? done. He say's he'll make a pencil dissapear...done. He says he'll get rid of Batman...
- the action was all clear and expertly choreographed. Unlike the first film, which was a jumbled mess of nonsense when it came to the hand to hand battles, here everything is fluid and hartd hitting, and easy to follow. You watch in awe as batman uses the most minimal amount of effort required to put down the villans, and it's a thing of imposing brutal beauty when he attacks.
-Harvy dent/two face was the most complete character in the film. He's given the biggest and smoothest story arc, and is actually given the most character developement out of anyone. My heart broke when he...well, ends up the way he does. And i accepted the rather extreem transition his character goes through.

CONS
-Rachel Daws. Her character is basically there to serve the plot and nothing else, and though they DO take care of her pointless part during the second act, Maggy Gylenhaul is ugly, and i mean that in every sense of the word, though i suppose she's better than Katie Holmes, who was thankfully off somewhere talking to aliens with suri and tom.
- Morgan freemans character seems to pick and choose where his "moral code" starts and stops and it seemed a bit wishy-washy, especially toward the end. but i suppose i can see why director/writer Nolan wanted to keep the amount of characters to a minimum, it's just a shame Lucious seemed to pick the short end of the stick.
-after a certain someone gets knocked off, i wanted to see more of the emotional aftermath, but everyone, especially bruce wayne, seem to get over it pretty quickly. as in, one 4 minute scene later and it's all but forgotten by everyone. that is the one aspect of the film that i felt should have slowed down and taken the time to analyze. All well.

Mama Mia!

this will be short and sweet. Like the movie itself. ok, so here it is folks, you like abba? you'll love this. if your just ok with ABBA, then you'll probably still love this, but if you hate abba, then this is not for you. This is one of those situations where it works for those that like what it is, and wont work for those that don't. Get it? it's like, if you like horror movies, then you'll love the exorcist, but if you don't like horror movies, no matter how good it's made, you won't like the exorcist. Same here. That being said i love abba and LOVED this. What i was most suprosed by was how messy the movie was. the dialogue all sounded imporvised. when the characters were drinking, which was often, they REALLY seemed drunk, flubbing lines left and right and missing their marks and generally having a good time. thats the key here, everyone seemed to be having so much fun getting plastered and sunburned on the greek isles that it's infectious. So it doesn't have the crisp choreography of Chicago, or the perfectly timed plot structure of Hairspray (which i loved but WAS clearly edited to death in postproduction to the point that you can tell) this film comes off more like they showed up, had a blast, filmed everything, and made of it what they could after the fact. that being said, Meryl Streep acts her butt off (singing the winner takes it all in ONE TAKE on a seaside cliff at sunset in 5 minutes of perfect cinematic joy) and can actually sing VERY well, she's not just servicable, unlike Pierce Brosnan who does scrape by, mostly due to the meager song selection he's (wisely) given. Amanda Seyfried, my jesus, is awsome!!!! she reminds me of a young lily tomln from 9 to 5, or a sexier luciel ball. and she can sing. You'll forget she was dumb mean girl #2 in MEAN GIRLS, or her turn as an ill fated boozing sexpot on the most amazing television show ever VERONICA MARS. She ownes this role, and cry's on demand several times, giving Streep a run for her oscar earning money! I loved it. You may or may not, but if you will or wond, you already know.

a picture says a thousand words.....

so leave a message telling me what YOU think is going on here. I guess I don't have to tell you that i was in TEARS from laughing after this happend.

"HULK SMASH!!!" and boy does he!

The Incredible Hulk was AWSOME!!!! I loved every second of it. It was better than Iron man. It knew what it was, an ACTION movie, and had the good sense to put lots of that in it. It didn’t hurt that Edward Norton, one of the best actors we have around these days, fits into he role like a GLOVE. Liv Tyler needs to work more, and I’m glad she’s already signed on for the sequels as Betsy Ross, the heroin of the film. Of note is their relationship. Unlike every freaking other superhero movie, these guys have a complex past, and she’s “moved on” and he can’t get to “exited” or he hulks out, and all these little details to their relationship that make it all the more interesting. Also, the villain. Thank GOD for a proper villain (I’m looking at you Mr. lets come up with a bad guy in the last 20 minutes just so we can call our self an action film Iron Man) who has reason and motive, and is also VERY interesting, with many different angles. Also worth praise is the action itself. I knew what was going on every second. Every fight, every chase, I knew who was where and chasing who. Unlike transformers. Also, these monsters have weight. When they jump, it looks like they are exerting themselves, and when they land, it looks like it hurts. The final battle in the streets of new York is the largest scale action scene I’ve seen in a LOGN time and when the immortal words “hulk SMASH!” are uttered, not only did he do good on his promise, it brought the audience to a near standing ovation. It was sheer bliss to see this much awesome comic book action in one film. Spiderman was goofy. Batman was always more interested in character and plot over actual action (and in that one instance I’m ok with that) and Hellboy isn’t mainstream enough to get a budget for the kind of action this film throws down. Complaints? Pacing. The movie is 2 hours on the nose and it is WIDLEY publicized that Edward Norton (screenwriter as well as actor) had a HUGE falling out with Marvel over the cut of this film. Sometimes a scene is trimmed here and there. But there was 70 minutes of completed footage excised. And it shows. Supporting characters pop up out of nowhere and disappear just as quickly. Some of the military personal including William hurt come off as one note, when you can just FEEL there was more left in the wings. All well, no matter, that’s what DVD is for. As is, the summer has officially begun, and this is my favorite movie so far. Just a blast.

You'r better off killing yourself before seeing THE HAPPENING

So The Happening was probably the most gleefully horrible film I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s the first time since Mystery Science Theater 3000 went off the air that I wished it was back on. I think a revival of that show is in order for one special engagement. The latest from M. Night “I’m a hack” Shamalamadingdong. Mark Walberg and Zoe Deschanel are two of my favorite actors around. Walberg seems to be on the cusp of serious a list status and Zoe is just as cute as a button with oodles of charm and charisma (she was the best thing about elf. And yes, that’s a burn against will Ferrell) but not in this thing. But are they to blame? No. they have both proven to be amazing previously. The plot, a mass series of suicides in New York and other heavily populated areas for no apparent reason, leading most to assume terrorist attacks of the noxious kind. These are quickly dispelled of course by handy radio and news reports, that no matter how grave a situation, everyone seems to have time to stop and listen to. So what is IT?!?!?! Well, it’s plants. I’m not ruining anything, it’s in the first 30 minutes, and they talk about it for the rest of the running time. Get it? The plants are pissed at us for global warming so they’ve developed a natural toxin that kills us parasite humans off, in the form of self deletion. O.K. kind of lame, but there is some serious potential in that plot. Unfortunately, the actors, plot, or anything else with any semblance of talent or skill are no match for...M. Night Shamalamadingdong.The sixth sense was a great film with a killer ending. Signs was an awesome little twilight zone episode made for feature length. Unbreakable was boring and slow with hands down one of the laziest, obvious, tired “twist” endings I’ve ever seen. The Village and Lady in the Water were both so horrible I won’t even grace them with my negative remarks. So here we have is “first r rated Movie” with means nothing because 3 seconds of SLIGHTLY bloody bodies could be trimmed and a pg-13 would be secured. The much ballyhooed death scenes pale in comparison to “PULSE” which is an Asian film I’ll get to a little bit later on. A man feeds himself to a tiger. Are you SERIOUS!?!?!?! The entire audience I saw this with, myself included could NOT STOP LAUGHING!!!! People waiting in line to use a gun to shoot themselves? Might be creepy, even though shamalamadingdong points the camera at the people’s feet. That’s right, an entire sequence, for NO REASON is shot at floor level, as you HEAR people shoot themselves. It’s a bad directorial choice. It’s even dumber considering it’s “his first R rated movie.” If only it ended there. Marky Mark talks to a tree. That’s right, a tree. Here is the best part, when he realizes it’s a plastic tree, he STILL talks to it in fear! I kid you not I was crying I was laughing so hard. If this was his first film, mark Walberg would never work again. Zoe deschanel unfortunately is early in her career, and this heaping pile of crap will make it VERY hard for her to get any more work. And ramalamading dong? He’s already set to make Avatar: The last Air bender for nickelodeon. Yea, a live action cover of that kids cartoon show. Maybe that’d be more his speed. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s fired for it. The village tanked, and so did lady in the water. Now this. Mind you they all had strong openings. But the sharpest fall offs due to horrible word of mouth. How many more movies can this guy “make” and coast off the 6’Th sense phenom? How many more chances is he going to get? He’s getting worse and worse and idiots keep giving him a second chance. He’s a joke, as is this movie. Luckily for him, this is one of the rare occasions where it’s so bad it’s good. Drinking games will be invented. MSTK3 will come back on the air, JUST for this. And Wal-Mart is already clearing some space in their $5 bins for this.

Those big apple whores with the hearts of gold

So Sex and the City was pretty darn great. Let me set up this review with some background on the show in reguards to myself. I never watched it on HBO. I've only seen probably 5 full episodes front to back, and none were in any sort of chronological order. I have no predisposition to which lady should or shouldn't be with any certain guy. I don't have all the knowledge of the ladies pasts, breakups and back stories and such and so forth. And still, i loved sex and the city.
The evening started with Alex, Aless and a couple other fine ladies meeting up at bubba gump shrimp, lol, for some food and conversation. We started with talking about the most akward "sex" moments and someone who shall remain nameless for protection (it's not me) was once dropped on her head!!! AAHHH! I couldn't stop laughing at all the stories.
That was the perfect precurser to the film itself, which is all about the drama, the laughes, the city, and yes the sex. Actually, this film was very tame in the reguards to the latter, more so than the show itself even. No matter, the film is too busy setting up several plotlines insuring each lady thier own time to shine. The acting was all top notch, and everyone is faced with questions that had even the audience we were with polarized. How far does forgiveness go? what DO you forgive? How much of a relationship is "you" and how much of it is the time and effort you spend on the other person? All these questions and more are dealt with in the 2 hour and 47 minute movie which breezes by like an hour and a half. It covers a years time, and probably a seasons worth of material.
It's the kind of movie you watch when your sick in bed all day, and need a cheer me up. It's in the same category as "Love Actually" or "Mean Girls" or "sleepless in seattle." But not "The Notebook" because that movie sucked so hard i can't fathom why anyone likes it. But i digress, Sex and the City is comfort food made to perfection for what it is. I liked it. It made me think, and it got Aless to cry. Well, not cry, but she most def. got a little faclempt at several points (the brooklyn Bridge meeting for example) of course she'll never admit any of that. But if it can get aless to do that, then it's a keeper.

Go Speed Racer GO!!!!!!!

Speed Racer is 99 flavors of crack cocaine and I loved every second of it. I can most definitely see why this movie bombed hard core. I can see why some people with HATE the nonsense out of it. But I LOVED it, and I can’t get enough of it. The music. The cheesy schmaltzy father son talks. The inspirational mom speeches. The Obligatory smooch at the end. The little brother and monkey sidekick. It’s all been done before, but before it was done out of laziness. Here, it’s done earnestly and lovingly, and it works. I bought it. Not everyone will. If you buy into it, you’ll feel like a kid again, like I did. I remember putting together that micro machines speedway all day long, and turning out the lights and watching the glow in the dark cars wiz and shoot past. My brain amplified that to a thousand, and even then, my brain couldn’t fathom the sights you will see in speed racer. The car chases are astounding. Are they realistic, hell no! Who cares!?!?! Who goes to speed racer for clinical car chases? The car chases in this movie are like the musical numbers in Disney cartoons, like the opening action scenes in the original bond films, they are a character all their own, and a wonder to behold. Remember that rush you got when Sloth screamed “Hey you guys!” or the lump in your throat you got when Simba’s dad died? These were schmaltzy scenes, and viewed as an adult, you wouldn’t by it, you wouldn’t like it, and you’d probably laugh it off like the cynical mess that you are. But as a kid, you ate it up. You couldn’t get enough of it. This film is for the young at hart. It’s for those of us that can still remember the sheer joy of exploring the uncharted pirate infested tunnels in your own back yard or cheering on your glow in the dark micro machine. If not, then this movie is not for you. This movie is for me.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls a.k.a. Fracking ALIENS!?!?!?!

Indiana Jones was awesome, until the ending. This review is going to be short and sweet because that’s all it deserves really. The movie is a very well made adventure romp that sits very comfortably next to the previous Indiana Jones pictures. Karen Allen is back as everyone’s favorite Indy love interest. Shia LaBeouf continues to take over the world one summer blockbuster at a time, and does an annoyingly good gob at it. (Also, check out the trailer for his new movie, Eagle Eye, it looks all kinds of AWSOME!!!)
In fact that was my favorite part of the movie; the relationships. The action is all well choreographed, and THANKFULLY it’s all very smoothly shot and edited and there is NONE of that annoying “shaky-cam” nonsense the Bourne films started (just to make it clear, I liked it in the Bourne films cause it fit the tone of what they were, much like I also love it in the series 24, however, not EVERYONE needs to shake the camera and think that immediately means “intense!”) but the action was a known, a given. The acting and relationships and dialogue was all much better than you’d expect and a true joy. Harrison Ford’s reaction to seeing Marion Crane after all these years is priceless, just sheer cinematic joy.
That brings me to the two things I didn’t like about the film. The first one is john Williams. That’s right I said it, the man is lazy. I know he’s old, but that’s no excuse. Remember all those countless memorably tunes he made in the 80’s and 90’s? REMEMBER them all? I don’t, I can’t, there are too many. Well, other than the Harry Potter theme, all he does now days is play tracks from his greatest hits album over everything he does. I LOVE the Indy theme, but I literally heard it 36 times During Crystal skulls. Indy gets a drink from the water fountain = dun dun dun Da dun dad um…Shame on you Williams, try being creative and not cribbing from your own past library!
Secondly, the ending. The last 20 minutes or so is so outlandish (even by Jones standards) I couldn’t take it. ALIENS!?!?! REALLY!?!?!?! It was lame and that’s all there is to it. Them talking about the aliens and their relationship to the ancient civilizations was fascinating, the idea of the crystal skull itself was great and cool, but the actual execution of it, well, the mummy was more believable, and the mummy is a rip off of Indiana Jones. Therefore, concordantly, ergo, visa VI, the ending sucked worse than a knock off…and that sucks. Got me? Good
The end

Iron Man

Iron Man was just ok. It was very by the numbers, plug in the romantic interest, insert morally guided best friend, top it off with a super villain, add it to a superhero with a cool gimmick and that equals a very good, if standard summer action movie.
Robert Downy J. is awesome. Always has been, and probably always will be. I LOVED him in this, however I LOVED him in everything he's ever done (and REALLY look forward to him playing an Australian who has an operation to make himself black in TROPIC THUNDER later this year) and the fact that someone has FINALLY given him an entire movie to himself is just cool. Unfortunately, whereas he usually creates interesting characters with very unique material, here he's given something so...generic, I can't help but this what this could have been like if Tim Burton directed it.
As it is, Jon Favreau does decent work. He's one of those actor turned directors that seem to be popping up left and right now-a-days. Favreau hasn't done anything near this scale before, but he handles it ok. I put him in the same category as Brett Ratner and Chris Columbus. Those two directed such films as rush hour and home alone and RENT and red dragon. What do all of those films have in common (and unfortunately this one as well)? BLAND! Everything is very competently done, but with no flavor or artistic value. Their camera set up's are basic, but get the job done, and none of the actors stand in front of each other. That seems to be about the only compliment I can give it.
Also, I may be the only one out there who feels like this, but I’m sick of all of these super hero movies that are all pretty much the same. That’s why I LOVE comic book films like Batman Begins and Hellboy and 300, they go about their story in such a unique and interesting way, and present such fascinating heroes and set up such hard obstacles to overcome, that when something as "competent" as Iron man comes along, I can't help but think that at this point in the game, we as an audience deserve better.
Still, the special effects are cool. Gwyneth Paltrow turns in a thankless yet charming performance, and Robert Downy Jr. is in it, so it's not all bad. Will I watch it again? No, probably not, but I’m not sad I spent the money on the ticket.

best ALIAS fight scene EVER!

So this scene was from the finally of ALIAS season 2. I'd like to point out that this was WAY before KILL BILL had even been made. I say this because of a VERY similar sequence in K.B. Vol.2 with uma and hannah in the trailer. Now, Quintin Tarantino is a HUGE alias fan, having been in several episodes, as well as directing a fiew also. Hmm, i wonder...

BEST of 07'

In no particular order, i have assembled the BEST films of 2007, THAT I'VE SEEN! lets make that part very clear, there are quite a few that i'm duying to get my eye's on that either i had no time for, or didn't come and play here in O-Town. So expect some additions in the near future.

1.) Black Snake Moan. Samuel L. JACKSON and Christina Ricci give career defining moments here in one of the most bizzare plots i'v ever even heard of, let alone seen. Basically Jackson comes across town whore Ricci, who's going crazy cause her boyfriend (justin Timberlake, showing off suprisingly good chops here) is off in iraq. He chains her to his house, and starts readign her the bible and teaching her the blues, in an effort to "cure her of her wicked ways." Well, it works. The music, the twists and turnes of the events, everything comes together to make a film so heartbreaking in it's harsh reality and hylarious in it's absurd comedy that you'll never forget it.

2.) Sweeny Todd. The music is not catchy. there is almost NO color in the entire thing, and everyone looks dirty and ugly. and i LOVED every second of it. Probably the grosest story ever gets retold as a musical with an all star cast and tim burton behind the camera. As usual, it's splendid. Think Sleepy Hollow with singing, and there ya go. Not much else to say. Loved it.




3.) Across the Universe. A COMPLETLY different type of musical to Sweeny Todd. This is going to be in my all time in history lists. A musical, with an origional story, set to the music of the beatles. Julie Taymore (director of the lion king on broadway and the oscar winning FRIDA) puts so much imagination and invention into every single shot, you can't take your eye's off of it. The music is sung in such origional ways, and given such new meaning and context, you'll be hearing these old classics like you've never even thought of. Simply amazing, from beginning to end. This one will be getting heavy rotation on dvd from me, thats for sure!



4.) The Kingdom. A very Well done episode of Law and Order for the first hour, and one of the best action films EVER MADE for the second half. You could litterally divide the film in half and think you have two different movies on your hands. This is the epidomy of excelent craftsmanship. The script is SMART first, then entertaining second. So when the cars start flying and the guns a blazin' you actually CARE about whats going on. Also, the last 2 minutes is such a shocker on an ending, but not in event, but of character revelations, you'll have to see it to believe it!

5.) Pans Labyrinth. Alice in Wonderland for grown ups. Guiermo Del Torro has crafted a VERY beautiful film in his native mexico, taking old myths and legends of his culture, and flipping them on their heads. It's dark, touching, and ultimatly uplifting.


6.) The abandond. A return to psycological horror. An adopted woman suddenly learns the mother she could never find has died, and left her a sprawling house in the backwoods of russia. Thats all the set up you need for one of the truely scariest films i'v ever seen in my life. You'll have many different options to choose from once the film is over, as it never REALLY comes out and says what's going on, but there are enough hints in all directions that everything sounds good. Probably the best haunted house film ever, up there with the origional The Haunting. Seriously, checking this out should be on your priority list.

7.) The Host. A Korean film about a monster that attacks the capital. Sounds like Godzilla right? Wrong. This monster movie delivers all the chills and action of the forger legendary pictures, but adds a family to dysfunctional and hylarious, you'll find a lump in your throat at the end. In turnes horrifying (the first monster attack comes out of no where and is VERY graphic) and harrowing (not all the main characters make it to the end, not even the children are safe!) this is like JAWS, only in a different language, and a MUCH bigger budget.

8.) SUNSHINE. Another horror, though this one more toward a sci-Fi actioneer. Danny Boyl, director of 28 days later goes for a 2001 meets the matirx kinda vibe in the biggest "why wasn't this a huge box office smash over labor day weekend" movie ever. it looks like it had the budget of the lord of the rings, and the action is soo intense you'd think it'd have gotten more of a push than it did. Who knows, it entertained and thrilled the pants off of yours truely, and here it is ont he list!.

9.) No Country For old Men. Very creepily realistic crime opera set in a bleak town by the border. Character actors abound doing what they do best in a jucy little thriller packing more of a punch than most other films of it's ilk. Every performance is stellar, and not one scene is waisted, though you may not always know exactly what it's purpose is, it all comes together.

10.) JUNO. MY FAVORITE FILM EVER!!!!!!!!!! loved this. Jennifer Garner proves she can act without blowing somehting up. Ellen Page proves that you CAN be a teenager, and a good actress (lindsay lohan, are you listening?!?!?!) everything about this just rocks. it's suprising, how such a "litle" film can fill me with such HUGE emotions about life, love, and babies. it's like this years little miss sunshine, only good (cause that movie SUCKED SO BAD IN BOGGLES MY MIND HOW ANYONE COULD THINK IT"S ANYTHING OTHER THAN A LIFETIME TELEVISION FOR WOMEN SPECIAL!!!) but thats beside the point.

Brotherhood of the Wolf

Would you believe there is a film in existence that is about a rumored supernatural beast killing and maiming poor innocent folk on the French country side during the 18’Th century? What about if I said the pope himself was involved in it’s cover up, enlisting spy’s by way of brothel house matrons, and a native American Indian fresh from the newly discovered Americas doing kung fu (because he was enslaved in Japan for a time, before he got to France, you know, to kill the mythical beast) and throw in a one armed man, a dash of (heavily) implied incest, three double crosses? Well, not only does such a film exist, but it’s based on a true story. You heard me right, and I’ve done my research. It’s all true. Kinda like how everyone thinks the story of Pocahontas was a happy one (thanks Disney) but the actual history books tell another, in France they have this mythical beast killing people, but REALLY, it was the king of France trying to overthrow the pope, who had reigning power at the time. Oh, and the Jim Henson Creature Shop did all the special effects. I’m just saying.
Christophe Gans is the kind of crazy director you need to bring a story like this to life. He has literally SO many ideas, and somehow works every last one of them into a VERY think and convoluted plot. Interestingly, the story is so weird it’s true, giving him a lot of leeway in how far out there he goes. At the time of its release (2001) Brotherhood of the wolf was both the most expensive film made in France (the equivalent to 200 million) and the highest grossing film from France (total worldwide box office is near 300 million) and you can see everything on the screen. Given a Very lackluster release in America (in all honesty, how DO you sell a project like this to the masses) what we missed was one of the best action films in a good long while. I know muskets and swords don’t sound all that exiting now that we have semi automatics being sold at wal-mart, but man, this film uses everything from a hatchet to a VERY inventive (and historically accurate) sword that can slide apart and then come back together for some of the most well choreographed and filmed action set pieces I’ve ever seen.
Visually, there is something in every corner of the screen. Much like the film 300, you could pause at any moment during the film, and that image could be framed and put up as art work, it is THAT lush and beautiful. The creature himself is a mixed bag. When used as a real life prop, the effect his horrifyingly convincing (an early scene with a peasant woman trying to save a lamb is so well done, I didn’t know if I should be ooohing and aahhhing or grossed out) but when it comes to the digital creation (thankfully only used sparingly) the effect is just off enough to pull you out for the film momentarily.
That small squabble aside, the plot basically follows two gentlemen sent by the king of France to investigate a “beast” that is killing people in a secluded province. Once they arrive, thinking there is a logical explanation for everything, they soon realize the beast is much more than they bargained for. Further thickening the plot is when they realize all the victims have something in common, and as the film draws near several people come out gaining quite a bit from this demons precise killings. That’s where things get a little muddled, what with the lead getting involved with a courtesan who turns out to be a spy for the pope. Yea, ya hurd me, the POPE sends a whore as a spy. Just accept it, it happened, no really, like I said, I looked it up. Then there’s the one armed man who turns out to, well, not be one armed after all. But that’s giving too much away.
Brotherhood of the wolf is best described as Sleepy Hollow meets the Matrix meets crouching tiger hidden dragon meets the sound of music by way of the Grimm fairytales. No, seriously. So if your in the mood for something unlike you’ve ever seen before, but COMPLETELY one of the most entertaining experiences EVER, and aren’t stupid enough to hate subtitled films, you MUST check this out. This is literally in my top ten of all time in the book of Eric field’s top ten films. I own a 3 disc set directors cut DVD imported from France that’s not a joke. It’s that high up there in my totem poll, so check it out folks!!!

Beowulf

Beowulf is a strong, brawny epic with everything and then kitchen sink thrown in just in case. This is both a blessing and curse for this state of the art “motion capture” motion picture from Robert Zemeckis, the man responcible for Forrest Gump, Cast Away, and the Back to the future features.
Every 9’Th grader is forced to read the classic literature, usually against their will. The sing-songy phrasing and SLOW pace usually turn off the average high school student. Celebrated fantasy author Neil Gaiman and Roger Avery (everything from Pulp Fiction to Silent Hill) do an amazing job at cutting out the fat, and beefing up the action and sex to appeal to today’s audience. However, between the script that wants desperately to appeal to today’s younger audiences, while staying true to the source material, things get muddled. The directorial choice to have the picture computer generated might at first glance seem a wise one, given the heavy fantastical elements, that too becomes a misstep to a certain degree. Zemeckis fills the movie with almost distracting visual flair, seemingly just because he can. Also, the picture is in 3D, which is admitidly VERY cool. Unfortunately, between being a really cool 3D movie, a literate epic, and an action movie that can keep up with 300 and gladiator, the film ultimately only mostly succeeds at all of them, and doesn’t ever really feel like it reached the many goals it sets out to accomplish.
That’s not to say the film is nothing short of breathtaking. The computer animation on display here is the best ever, period. There are moments where Anthony Hopkins is speaking, and the camera zooms in on his face, and I guarantee that if an unsuspecting audience member were to walk in right then, they WOULD NOT be able to tell that it was nothing but pixels and digits. It’s s that photorealistic, at times. There does however seem o be some characters that are given more care than others. The women, for example, still lean toward the “shrek” level of quality, while the male counterparts all get much more detail and fluid motions.
The action in the film is also very impressive. This is where the 3D aspect really comes into play. At the end of the feature, when a giant dragon is chasing our hero around, you can’t help but be amazed at the sheer level of violence on screen. Also, earlier scenes, such as Grendel’s attack on a cottage, works amazingly well, computer animated 3D movie or not (I was actually shocked at how graphic it was, especially given the p.g.-13 rating).
At the end of the day, Beowulf is a VERY COOL movie. That’s it. The story is more complex than you’d expect from this kind of movie, but the plot gets muddled in all the forced, albeit amazing action scenes, and it’ll be interesting to watch the film NOT in 3D, and see if the gimmick actually lets you focus on the content more. Time will tell, but as it is, it’s a perfect way to spend 2 hours of the holiday season, and certainly the best computer animated movie up to now.

there is something in....THE MIST!

The Mist is one of the best Stephen King film adaptations ever; right along side The Shaw shank Redemption and The Shining. However, this is also one of the best films of the year, period. Frank Darabount (who was responsible for the Shaw shank redemption and the other King film, The Green Mile) has taken a short story no less, and turned it into the most intense two hours you will spend in a theater this year, or any year for that matter.
The film starts very abruptly with a violent thunder storm, leaving a small town with slight damage and no electricity. The locals gather together at the local grocery store, and it is here that we meet the varied and stereotypical set of characters. The crazy religious nut (played with so much over the top glee by Oscar winner Marcia gay harden that you start to think televangelism is her true calling) the nebbish store clerk (who is given his heroic moment to shine) the cute young cashier who has all the boys falling over her, and the awkward bagger boy. The last two most definitely NOT falling into the clichéd disaster movie mold. And that is where this film succeeds. It starts off like any other horror film/disaster movie. You have all the elements set up, as they start to play out, as the mist rolls in and people start to disappear, and then start to die, and then start to panic, the clichés are thrown out the window one by one.
There are some familiar faces in the crowd, Gay harden for one, Thomas Jane (punisher) and André Braugher (Poseidon) all give stellar performances, and some street cred to what is otherwise a creature feature, but the order in which they, and others (i.e. small innocent children) are dispatched in increasingly more gruesome ways makes it impossible to tell who the “star” is, who is the clear villain and hero. All these lines are blurred in what quickly becomes a parable on the human condition, and the violence that is inherently in the hearts of man. This becomes all the more apparent when the Religious spinster starts preaching about god, and the end of days, and signs, especially when her biblical premonitions start eerily coming true. The people start having to choose sides, and a little civil war erupts. Suffice it to say not all the deaths in the film are inflicted by other worldly beasts.
Speaking of creatures, nothing can prepare you for the slimy, scaily, tentacled, acid webbed monsters that slither out of the mist. Some of them are vaguely familiar to bugs we all know, just altered (spiders for example, only the size of a coffee table) or mosquitoes (only the size of footballs and with seriously more bite) and others are so foreign the person who came up with their design should be handed an Oscar for creativity, or locked up. You don’t see nary a hint of them for the first hour or so, but once they show up, it’s a non stop assault on the senses.
The people are killed off one by one at a time (actually, more like five by eight) until the climactic sequence. Now, I hate to discuss endings, but here I feel I must give a warning. For anyone who loves happy endings, or at least hopeful endings, stay AWAY!!! This film has the most HORRIFYING, SHOCKING, ending ever put to film. It’s not a twist, it’s not “the sixth sense,” they never give a solid explanation of what’s going on in the mist, but the ending here is so slap you in your face bleak, you’ll either love that a film had the balls to go there, or you’ll cry foul at the irony. It IS however, the logical, and dare I say realistic conclusion to what precedes it though.
The Mist is my favorite film of 2007, not THE BEST (Black Snake Moan is probably still on the top of that list) but this is the most fun you’ll have being scared in a LONG time, quite possibly ever.

Across the Universe

Across the Universe is a musical about a boy from england looking for his long lost father in america, a free spirited college guy dealing with being drafted, and a girl who questions her government, and how their paths cross during the 60's and 70's. However, instead of breaking into regular old musical numbers, they break out into songs from the beatles. The songs themselves are changes, not in words, but in meaning, some taking to their literal extreem, others a vague montage of an emotion or time or place. each one is sung beautifully by a new and amazing cast of youngsters, and put in VERy interesting situations. "I wanna hold your hand" for example, is sung by a cheerleader at a peprally, to her lesbian crush. Another, and one of the most emotional sequences ever put to film, is "LET IT BE" sung by a gospel choir over images of the detroit race riots, and the dead soldiers being sent home from vietnam. Visually, it is filmed as if every single shot and frame is a painting. you could pause any moment, and frame it, and it would comfortably sit on the wall of any art museum. it is THAT jaw droppingly beautiful. The characters however drive the film, and their story is origional, and stirring. Each is givin something completly different to stand for, and as they clash with eachother, they remind you as an audience member of just what YOU stand for, what you WOULD stand for, and what you would do in the horrible situations they ultimatly find themselves in. The ONLY complaint i can possibly find with the film is the middle section. Bono of U2 shows up as a druggie revolutionary and his performance is fine enough, but his character is pointless, and used meerly to progress the plot from one location to another. His part drags a little slower than it should have, and i will probably be skipping his portion when it comes out on dvd. Other than that. 5 stars out of 5 stars. you owe it to yourself to catch this motion picture!!!!
The kingdom is a very amazing episode of Law and Order, with about 45 minutes worth of terminator 2 thrown in for good measure at the end. thats not to say there is anything wrong with it. A u.s. encampment is bombed in saudi arabia, and some FBI agents are sent in to investigate under EXTREEM pressure and constraints. as the clues mount, and tension builds, much like an episode of the excelent Law and Order program. Instead of an understated denouncement however, this film ends with one of the most bombastic, explosive, tense 45 minute action sequence that you feel exhausted just from watching everyone run around. A car chase that destroys about 98 cars leads to a chase on foot, to a building, which turnes into a shoot out of epic proportions, which turnes itno another chase through the building, ending in a mano e mano fight to the death, only to have another suprose twist and yet ANOTHER shoot out. Once again, nothing wrong with it, and it's done with so much expert craft, i defy anyone to not be on the enge of their seat. Is there lofty messages of world peace or political opinionation? not really, despite the commercials and markieting for the film, it is merely an entertaining thriller/actioneer. Thats fine, especially when it goes fro broke the way this does. Highly recomened
Pushing daisy's is a new show on ABC that is incredible, it's about a man born with a gift/curse. Anyone he touches, they die. Anything for that matter aswell. Likewise, anything he tjouches thats dead, comes back to life. However, there's a catch (there's always a catch!) if he brings someone back to life, he only has a minute to touch them, putting them back to death again, before someone ELSE dies. Example. he touches his mom as a child. she dies. he touches her again, she comes back to life, but his sweethearts father drops dead one minute later. He also has only 2 chances. example, once he killed his mom and brought her back to life, his next touch will kill her forever. Confusing, but brilliantly put out in the pilote episode. The show follows this guy (who works as a pie maker at a pie shop) moonlighting with a detective. they go around touching dead victims, finding out who killed them, puting them back to death, and then collecting on the rewards. When one of the victems is his childhood sweetheart, he chooses to keep her alive at someone else's expence. However, she doesn't know who killed her (a juicy ongoing mystery) and if he ever touches her agian, she's dead for good. It's dark humor and sweet veneer make this one of the most origional and amazingly hypnotic shows ever. it's truely unlike ANYTHING you'v ever seen before.